cluttering the net since 2001

my mother used to make bubbles from dawn....they never lasted long

Sunday, Jul. 11, 2004
Once upon a time there was a world where you and I were in a bubble. A bubble like kids blow in the summertime. We had our own bubble where we looked out and no one came in to bother us. I thought we were happy in there. I thought you wanted to be in there with me. I didnít think I had shackles and chains made of soap holding you beyond your will. And now now I find out that you might not want to be in my bubble with me. That my bubble is my world, my heart, my home. That you come and go at free will and can leave me without a nod to the left. I find out when Iím attached to these walls, our sheets, our world. I want you to hold me. I begged you to find the time for me. I called ahead and placed an order in earnest and thought I could do that. I thought I could make you want to hold me inside my bubbled over thoughts. I thought wrong. Iím waiting for you to decide and thatís wrong. You either love me or you donít. If you donít I have to face it and go on. I have to let you go. I just donít know how to again hold my heart together if you burst my bubble because if you burst my bubble no amount of hope on a roap will rebuild it again.

You talk to me about bootie calls and being friends and itís all superficial. I proposed. I knew a month ago that when you are gone I canít float alone. You said yesÖbut maybe you really felt like no.

I love you but thatís not enough is it? Thereís always going to be some higher power that draws you closer. I canít be your family. My son and I canít be that for you because you already have that elsewhere and we canít come in when you donít open the door.

It would be easier if you just did what he did. Cheat me, hurt me, hit me, blame me, take everything from me and make me hate youÖ.hate is easier than this feelingÖthis feeling Iíve had beforeÖ.disappointmentÖ I want to be alone because if you go I donít want to ever chance this feeling again. This bubble Iím in midairÖ.

11:03 p.m. ::
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