my name is my name is
Today www.kristyk.org wrote an entry about her
name�.Kristy.� I won�t divulge the info
about it here because if you aren�t reading her blog then you�re just wasting
your time online.
�
When I was a kid, I was the middle child.� I had an older sister, Tracy and a younger
brother, Eric.� I say �had� a lot in
reference to my family because I used to �have� siblings.� I don�t really talk to them at all anymore.� If I speak to my sister once a year its
something I think about for weeks thereafter.�
I never thought it would be this way, but it is and I�ve learned to deal
with it as best as any human being ever could.
�
Back to �my� name.�
�
When I was a kid, my Mom called me Cricket.� I think it was her cutesy take on
�Kristy�.� I wish I could just casually
call her right now and ask her but I can�t.�
I can remember eating a blue Popsicle riding in a shopping cart while my
older sister was in the backseat of the shopping cart at the local Acme�s and
my Mother sing-songing �Cricketity Crack�chirp chirp�you never stop chirp
chirping Cricket Crack�a�lack�.� I can
still hear her singing now�
�
I don�t recall her ever referring to me as Cricket on a
daily basis�just that sing songing and blips of memories of places and things
that partially make sense and partially are blurred good feeling memories.� The sun shining, grass stained goucho�s with
little sailboats on them.� I remember
Penn Traffic on Sunday, peeing in the middle of the store and my Mom picking me
up and placing me against her hip, her scratchy and newly pee stained checkered
pants next to my summer scabby legs.� I
remember crying because I had found myself alone that day in Penn Traffic and I
had to potty and Mommy was not there and then there she was holding me despite
my wetness and I remember my sister laughing and my Mom singing Cricketity
Crack�chirp chirp�you never stop chirp chirping Cricket Crack�a�lack�
�
I have too few happy memories about my mother, my family,
my childhood.� I remember the incessant
arguing about which one among us had the most in our metal cups.� I remember those metal cups and would pay a
lot to buy some of those for myself now.�
�
I always liked my name.�
Kristy.� Often other kids would
wish to be Tiffany, Michelle, Amber, Stephanie, but I liked being the only
Kristy.� Yah sure there was that one
girl named Christy but she didn�t count because she was CHristy not
Kristy.� My name never appears on
anything personalized spelled correctly.�
It�s always a halfbreed of my truth.
�
Years after hearing �Crickity Crack�chirp chirp�you never
stop chirp chirping Cricket Crack�a�lack� my grandfather started to call me
Cricket again.� He would write me cards
and little notes that stated �Kricket� or �Krickety�� Yes that little diddy morphed itself but it was my grandfather
who held tight to the nick.
�
My older sister had a million nicknames for my little
brother, including Slice, Slosh, Slip, and most every other SL word in the
dictionary.� She herself had a nickname
that stuck throughout our teenage years.�
PITA.� As in pain in the
ass.� She definitely was the prissy
one.� While she was learning how to
slather on Clearisil and curl her non-existant eyelashes, I was copying down
lyrics and reading Judy Blume in the corners of our unhappy home.�
�
I often wondered what my life would have been like if I
were �born into� a normal family or given up for adoption.� I used to watch those adoption shows and
want to be one of those outwardly sad kids getting hyped for the �good� Mommys
to come save.
�
But throughout my childhood, there was one thing about
myself that I loved.� My name.� I would write it on everything, my shoes, my
clothes, my notebooks back and forth on the notebooks.� Big curly q K�s.� I loved the letter K.� I
think this early won fetish led me to name my son with a name that started with
a K as well.� Odd, but I never really
grasped that reasoning until just now.�
But I believe it had much to do with it.� My K was going to now be his K.�
I love so much how my initials are the same as his that I did not
re-take my maiden name when I got divorced.�
I liked that he and I matched like we do.�
�
My maiden name initials are KC.� My ex-husband never called me Kristy.� Never.� I think this was
some unspoken thing that bothered me but I lied to myself that it didn�t.� He called me Kasey.� Kasey because of my initials and when we
first met he saw me writing my initials on work-related paperwork and stated,
�K.C.? What does that mean?�� When I
told him he said, �I will call you that and so when you answer the phone and
hear me say KC you will know its me.� �He never wrote Kristy on a card or any momento ever.� It was Kasey that he wrote.� To this day it was as if he made up this
person and the Kristy person was pushed aside.
�
One of the biggest things that fills my heart with warmth
is when I would call my grandfather and he would say, �Hello?� and I would say
�Hi Pap!�how are you?� And he would yell through the phone in jubilee
�KRICKET!!!�� It feels good to be
someone�s little girl�.even after being all grown up.�
�
My name�.I�ve always loved it.� Loved when someone would say it to me in conversation, whispered
in my ear�etc.�
�
Rick calls me Kristy a lot.� He also calls me honey.�
But I hear him say �Kristy� a lot.�
And I remember the way he said my name the first time he ever said
it.� It felt awesome.� He tells me he�s never dated another
Kristy.� Oddly enough his twin brother
is dating a girl that calls herself Chrissy and sometimes Christy but
technically that�s not her given name�.sometimes I get bitchy and want to tell
her �that�s MY name�.not YOUR�S� like the baby I sometimes want to be but
always resist.� She�s not a real Kristy
no how no way.� You can�t give yourself
a nickname�paaalease.� Next she�ll
revert to a sign like Prince did�.
�
I have other nicknames�..my screen nick �Kwisty� came from
my father calling me �Kwisty�.� One of
my best friends in highschool called me Kris for years�.there was never a
asking if it was ok and for her and only for her it was ok.� Her name was Tina and I called her
TEEN.� She never objected.� Kris and Teen had a lot of fun years�being
pals.
�
Of course my son calls me Mom and I sometimes miss those
�Mommy� days.� My Dad in later years
called me �Sweetie� and that was priceless when it came out of his mouth�but
I�ll never forget that when he apologized he said, �I�m sorry Kristy�� He said my name and that might very well be
the reason I accepted it.� Who can
really say?� I just know that it was far
more personal and special because he said my name�my name that has always been
something I really liked about myself.
�
One thing I�ve always loved about my name is that so many
people ask me if it�s short for something else.� And it�s not.� My birth
certificate reads �Kristy Lynn C�����
One thing that is odd is that after Rick and I get married I will again
be Kristy Lynn C�.�� Rick has the same
exact first and middle name as my deceased father.� Also odd, how names connect our lives from one place to another.
�
I found kristyk.org through doing a google search for my
name.� My name has given me a lot of
things to smile about.� It�s something I
am proud to say when people ask me what my name is.
�
Every now and then I hear that song Cricketity Crack�chirp
chirp�you never stop chirp chirping Cricket Crack�a�lack� and I get melancholy
and miss being a kid with not a care in the world. �During those moments I let myself remember checkered pants and pee
stained sailboats and singsonging.� I
let myself remember and feel my memories as wholly as I still can.� Makes me want to call my grandfather just to
hear that excited KRICKET!!! On the other line.
�
I like my name�.at least my first name.� I even like my middle name�Lynn�.albeit a
little boring�.� I asked my Mother where
my name came from and she said it went well with Tracy�.which is my older
sisters name.� Somehow even that
information regarding my �always better than me in my mother�s eyes� sister and
how my name was meant to match her�s did not dispel my personal love and joy
over my name.
�
The other day I saw the name �Kristy Knight�and I thought
to myself�now that�s one cool damn name�.I bet she�s a cool chick!
�
Just to even the score my Mother is also the woman that
told me that Hasbro was going to make a doll and name it after me.� The �Kry Kristy Kry� doll because she told
me I was a cry baby.� Sometimes I really
want to believe I was probably being a PITA but mostly I think it was hurtful
because all I remember is crying and wanting her to hold me�.yet she went off
on a tangent about some stupid crying doll.�
Either way, I think the Cry Kristy Cry doll with real crying tears
probably woulda been a big hit.� After
all she woulda had a cool damn name.�
�
I do know that Precious Moments has a Kristy doll�but damn
if she doesn�t have blonde hair.� What�s
precious about that?
�
What's really odd is that the first time I wrote to the
Kristy behind kristyk.org it felt odd to type "Kristy, hi...."� It was like writing to msyelf.� And well....that feels weird at first but
I'm glad I got over it.
�
Does anyone else remember goucho�s?
No...it never gets boring to me....
But when it does I revert to doing my other favorite names....
and�
and time to stop when I�m doing this�
Wait I forgot something