cluttering the net since 2001

my past is beautiful....

Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005
Tonight I spilled my guts. Why’d I do that? No clue. I did and in the midst of doing it something floated to the surface (special thanks to the ears that heard me)


Tonight I inadvertently was reminded of things that have happened between us. Things that now make me realize that we meshed, we became one long long ago. One night, one night comes to mind. A sidewalk, a street light, tears and then you could not walk away. And that night I knew that no matter how things turned out I had been loved, was still loved and that it wasn’t just my feeling or my wishes anymore. It was ours. Ours.

Another night comes to mind as I write this. That night I stood and “made the first move” on the rest of my life. I tentatively held out my hand and asked you a question that would lead us to now, to together. And you you hesitated but the morning dawn came and you were solid in your convictions and now we are here.

A moment, me standing in a dark dismal place…having been wronged, call you on the phone from a place I never thought I would be and your voice is like band aids floating down the line healing every inch of my heart and soul. So often you could have taken the high road, the easy road and you chose to walk with me through the fire and the rain.

We have but a few weeks until we walk down the same path hand in hand and make promises and commitments that a lot of people make in this world. But you and I have proven that we can make them and be successful. The last few weeks I have looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself why and how I could do this again. I was the girl that said no not never. I barely recognize that girl anymore.

And then….I remember all the when’s….do you remember arriving on my doorstep when you shouldn’t have, at least not by anyone else’s rules? I love you so much for that. I love you so much for finding your way back when you could have walked away. It means the world to me. Tonight I spilled my guts and they looked like a rainbow…they looked like hope and happiness and they are the product of what we have built together. Finally finally my past is beautiful.

I love you and I can’t wait to call you my husband,

9:12 p.m. ::
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