PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

one love

Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2002
Every love I’ve ever had has eventually been corrupted to hatred.- Joshua Miller

That’s such a sad statement and at this point I am like a pendulum as far as my reaction to it. My gut wants to believe in love. I want to believe in “him” and in everything that I’ve spent the last 3 years believing in. I have wrapped my arms of thought around him for so long that I find it so hard to know what to do. Maybe I’m too damn needy; maybe I’m too damn confused to see anything so clearly.

I am so tired of all of this. I’m so tired that if I could blink my eyes and make it all just disappear I think I would. I wish I could be 19 and alone again. I wish I could go back that far and give it all another shot.

This morning when I dropped “Bucky” off at the corner for school I wanted to grab him and hold him and cry all over him. I wanted to melt inside of him. He’s sometimes the only good thing I see in this world. And he’s the thing I’m facing leaving. I don’t know anymore what the fuck I’m doing. I’m so mixed up and so tired of my life that I just want it all to stop. I want to stand in the middle of a highway somewhere and watch the cars fly around me. I want to know I am invincible and yet I am nothing but road kill. I am dead bleeding with guts wrapped around his tires….

I just got an email from BraN showing me his new flat in North London. I swear I’m going to save up my friggin money and go there one day. I have to think about the future…the future….the friends that I do have that do care about me….I have to think about good things….bright things. Some of the most amazing people want to be my friend. What in the fuck do they see in me? Wait…why do I care?

I pulled on my favorite hoochie jeans and they’re too big. I passed the donuts on the counter this morning….even though I’m so fucked up today….I just feel this one love that won’t subside and won’t leave me be. I love a man that doesn’t seem to love me…. One love that tortures me more than soothes me….that makes me so crazy and I wonder if I don’t love that “crazy”.
-PoeticaL


One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One love)
So shall it be in the end (One heart)

-Bob Marley

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I'm Sarah. I'm imaginative and creative, though a bit of a brat sometimes. If I use my wits, I'll get what I want. Nobody has power over me!

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9:40 a.m. ::
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