orlando....

Me: straw

�him�: no horses to feed here

�him�: no need for straw

Me: k....what?

�him�: i might be going to orlando

Me: why?

�him�: Spina Bifida convention

�him�: we are a member

�him�: and im the sr. admin

Me: sounds boring

�him�: not really probably nail some new customers

�him�: they are huge

Me: when?

�him�: i dont know the exact date but its sometime this summer

Me: k

�him�: its marked on my bosses calendar

�him�: i told him im game

Me: which game? boggle?

�him�: no you idiot

�him�: game as count me in ill go

Me: lol

Me: now I'm an idiot

�him�: yep

�him�: no

�him�: you always been an idiot

Me: <---walks away

�him�: LMAO

�him�: it doesnt take much

�him�: just a 5 letter word

�him�: and shes gone

�him�: EASSSSSSSY

Me: phhhft

�him�: back for more

Me: lol

�him�: imagine if i used 6 letter words

Me: whatever lol

�him�: youd run like a wild turkey

�him�: doing the turkey trot

�him�: gobble gobble gobble

Me: I'm glad I'm not a person you dislike ...you probably make those people want to jump off a bridge with your brand of kindness

�him�: no bridge takes to long. I just simple tell them to put a shot gun to their fucken head and pull the trigger do the world a favor

Me: lol

�him�: lol

Me: I'd say "show me how"

�him�: then id just shoot you in the head

�him�: and say like that

Me: good grief

�him�: lol

Me: that site...cdbaby site...cuts off the songs midway.....

Me: I bet you can only have so much time on there

�him�: beats the hell out of me

Me: so you're coming to Orlando for sure?

�him�: ya

�him�: pretty sure

Me: does Jill know that?

�him�: fuck no

�him�: i dont make plans with her

Me: teeheee

�him�: she has too much bullshit going on

Me: that's not what I meant

�him�: i would of bought her an REO speedwagon ticket and would got a room in myrtle beach but she never knows what she can or cant do

Me: that sucks

�him�: yep

�him�: well i dont worry about it

�him�: i just go

Me: don't blame you

Me: but if you go to Orlando she's not gonna like that

�him�: like who cares

�him�: and why would she care

Me: nevermind...

�him�: because you live in FL

Me: doh

�him�: well Orlando is like 9 million light years away from you

Me: wrong

Me: you obviously need to look at a map

�him�: ok tell me

�him�: how far

Me: an hour and 20 minutes tops

�him�: well thats still not 15 min

�him�: you sure wont drive an hour to see me

Me: hahaha

�him�: and if you do you better leave all your anger, frustrations all your get even with �him� moments at home

Me: what makes you think I have those things going on?

�him�: im just saying not debating

�him�: get what i am saying??

Me: well say something intelligent

�him�: i just did

Me: lol

Me: where? when?

�him�: now im waiting for a reply

Me: I dunno an hour and twenty minutes...that's a lot of gas.....hmmm....

�him�: yep

�him�: and no AC

Me: messy hair for sure....

�him�: oh yeah and sweating like a pig

Me: nope

Me: I don't do that

�him�: in 90 degrees plus EVERYONE does that

Me: lol

Me: but I can't....I'll piss someone off

�him�: cant what

Me: can't go to Orlando

�him�: sweat

�him�: who are you going to piss off

Me: you're girlfriend!

�him�: my PT gf

Me: LMFAO

�him�: well its true

Me: it's still funny

�him�: i see her every 3rd weekend

Me: that's not PT...that's a smidgen of the time

Me: she's your smidgen girlfriend

�him�: i know she has kids but still with x husband and shit i just dont live her lifestyle

�him�: i think she wants to fit in mine but cant find a way

Me: i agree

Me: wants to isn't the same as doing

�him�: Oh well life goes on

Me: at least your getting laid

�him�: who said that

Me: you did

�him�: when

�him�: or did you assume

Me: you said it

Me: you flat out told me

�him�: how did i word it

Me: you said "I've had her"

�him�: lol

Me: you did

Me: on the phone

�him�: HAHAAAAAAAAAA

Me: I was appalled and said "that's not nice"

Me: and you said "but it's true...I have"

�him�: i dont talk like that

�him�: do i?

Me: yes you do

Me: when you're all wound up

�him�: since when

�him�: lol

Me: yeah you're a pig

�him�: im not

�him�: need water brb

�him�: YUMMY

�him�: pure cranberry juice

Me: lol

�him�: good stuff

�him�: can you buy pure carrot juice in the stores

�him�: or just that V8 shit

Me: I doubt it highly

�him�: not a big thing for that

Me: just seems like the older I get the more picky I am

Me: and know what else?

�him�: your a brat

Me: I am?

�him�: i already know that

Me: I am not a brat

�him�: oh yeah

Me: I'm a nice girl

�him�: big brat

�him�: big brat kristy

�him�: her way or fuck you

Me: oh geez

Me: is that what you really think?

�him�: Yes

Me: that's funny cause you're the same damn way

�him�: brat brat brat brat bart opps thats bart

Me: lol

Me: I've never been anything but nice to you.

Me: super duper nice

�him�: bull

Me: lol

�him�: listen if i was in the garbage business

�him�: i would of made my first million a long time ago

�him�: all the shit you dumped on me

Me: are we ever gonna let that go?

�him�: yep

Me: when?

�him�: when you quit standing on your imitation pedestal and telling me you only been nice to me

Me: <---kicks pedestal away... ok ok... I'm a total shithead

Me: we both know it

�him�: there you go

Me: but I'm not like that anymore

�him�: i could of graduated with 98

Me: ok I'm gonna go now

�him�: no

�him�: its done

Me: ok ok

�him�: i was mad at you been mad at you

Me: <---plans to make a "shithead" t-shirt

�him�: no

�him�: selfish brat

Me: well....ok

Me: *sigh*

�him�: you are a brat

�him�: and you still put your nose up to alot of people

Me: I do?

�him�: you asking me

Me: where do you get that from?

�him�: no you go ask other ppl

Me: like who?

�him�: people you see all the time

Me: no one's ever told me that before

�him�: well they should

Me: c'mon

Me: don't give me a fucking complex

�him�: im serious

�him�: your a brat

Me: I do not think I'm better than anyone

�him�: if i was in orlando and you come to see me id still tell you you're a brat

Me: if I'm all these horrible things why do you like me so damn much?

�him�: i didnt say your condemned as a person

Me: but you only ever tell me horrible things

�him�: or you dont have good qualities

�him�: im this kind of person

Me: lol

�him�: i know you havent figured it out yet

�him�: so here it is

�him�: the logic is the glass is half full right

Me: positive logic...

�him�: fuck that thats bullshit whoever said that should have his balls sewin on his ass

Me: lol

�him�: Ok heres my thinking

Me: I will never figure you out

�him�: this will help

�him�: i say find out whats wrong then fix it

�him�: if you do this then you make improvements

�him�: if you go the other way

�him�: and gloat on whats right you dont get anywhere

Me: true

�him�: because your not paying attention to whats wrong

Me: well.....there's more wrong with me than there is right...but the right stuff is super kewl stuff

Me: that's what I honestly think

�him�: everything in this world can be improved one way or another.

�him�: now your are only seeing half the picture

�him�: i am aware of good qualities you have

Me: figures

�him�: thats why i continue to talk to you

Me: nah you do that cause i'm the only fool that puts up with you

Me: lol

�him�: on here its hard to communicate effectively

Me: I agree with that

�him�: but im an innovative person and its just my character to make things better

�him�: look at work

Me: yeah....I know

�him�: i changed the whole system

�him�: the whole thing

Me: for the better

�him�: and yes its much better

Me: I just spent $110 on music from cdbaby.com

�him�: damn

Me: I got a ton of CD's though

Me: better stuff on there than anywhere else

�him�: no name stuff

Me: and you can listen to it first

Me: talent is talent

Me: not a name

Me: besides...I can afford $110

�him�: nope you cant

Me: shuddup

Me: nope

Me: you worry about you

Me: I'll worry about me

�him�: ya whatever

Me: grrrr

�him�: i know you dont you have 50k in the bank

Me: nope I don't

Me: but I'm ok

�him�: if you wanna act like you do go for it

Me: and I'm not broke after that

Me: nah

Me: you worry too much and you don't know all about my finances

�him�: oh your saying you have money falling out of your ass

Me: no

�him�: ok then get real

Me: remind me not to tell you about my purchases again

�him�: i hate it when you fucken try to jerk me around

Me: woah

�him�: i hate it i hate it hate it

Me: I'm not jerking you around

Me: I bought cd's

Me: it's not the end of the world

�him�: ok

Me: I never spend money

�him�: your alive you have bills you spend money

Me: you know what I meant

Me: lets not argue over this

�him�: ok

Me: I think in the same room we'd be at each others throats in a half hours time

�him�: naaaaaaaa

Me: yessssssss

�him�: because you wouldnt try to pull shit over me in real life like you do here

Me: what am I trying to pull over on you?

�him�: you always do

Me: *shrugs* :-D

�him�: id tell you off and good in real life

Me: well I'd get pissed and smack you

�him�: so if you come see me you better keep everything real

Me: and so

Me: this is real

Me: I bought some cd's

Me: big fucking deal!

�him�: dont treat me like a bubble headed guy like your used to

Me: lol

�him�: so tell me

�him�: what would you do when if you seen me in person

�him�: heres your choices

�him�: Hug

Me: knee you in the groin and get it over with early

�him�: Hand Shake

Me: HAHAHAHA

�him�: Shoot

�him�: Spit on

Me: spit on

Me: geesh

Me: that's rude

�him�: yep

Me: I don't know

Me: I'd probably stand there like a dork

�him�: awwwww thats not good

�him�: undecided

�him�: hmm that wasnt a choice

Me: hand shake ...shoot...or spit on

Me: hand shake

Me: I guess

Me: bad choices

�him�: hug was a choice

Me: hmmm

Me: that would mean body contact

Me: <----is thinking.....

Me: I don't know about that

�him�: if you wanted to hug me you know what would be going through my mind

Me: what?

�him�: I hope she showered and used deodorant

Me: OMG.....please tell me you're joking

�him�: lol

Me: now I'll never hug you

�him�: well so much for that choice

�him�: ok a handshake it is

Me: I'll bring that liquid disinfectant stuff and clean my hands first

Me: heyyyyyyyy wait a minute here

�him�: ok a quick handshake nice to meet you im out of cookies sorry im busy gotta go ....close the door

Me: I dont' know if I want to meet you

�him�: hmm did you die

Me: lol

Me: why do you say that?

�him�: where the hell did you go

�him�: out on a safari

Me: I'm here

Me: thinking

�him�: oh geeeez

�him�: now were fucked

Me: lol

Me: I'm just saying I don't know if I want to

�him�: if you want to meet me

Me: yeah

�him�: ok

�him�: np

�him�: i wont tell you when i go

�him�: problem solved

Me: you can't do that

�him�: watch me

Me: dick!

�him�: i have one

�him�: and its straight too

Me: stop that

�him�: what

�him�: you just said you dont want to see me

�him�: so i said fine

�him�: your getting what you want and your still not happy .......whatta brat

Me: lol

�him�: you are a snobbish bratt

This is where we ended up on the phone and we ended up having one of those asphalt under the stars kind of discussions and the memories flooded back in and somewhere midway I realized how it all is. How it�s a cycle thing with him.

As in

He comes around.

He smiles down warm sunbeams on my face.

I look up

He smashes me

I cry

He goes away

He slips back in the door

He apologizes

He smiles down warm�.

I look up��.

Only this time right when it could all innocently happen, I am being catapulted by all my lies. Crashing down around me are splinters of the sun stuck in yesterdays irises.

On the phone he said. "Can't you just drive an hour and a half to find out?" Everything inside me screamed yessssssss.....find out once and for all.

Everything outside of me said nothing.

It's like wanting something and then having it right there but you can't have it cause you already destroyed it a thousand times a thousand days ago.