cluttering the net since 2001

peace envelops me

Monday, May. 13, 2002
It’s Monday and I have survived. I am better. I mean I am better about the whole “mother” issue than I have been ever before. And I attribute it to my being raw in my diary and speaking about her. I attribute it to a few very kind women walking this earth that read my post and emailed me. I got a few emails from people I didn’t previously know and I thank each and every one of you. It helped. I no longer feel like the only freak that deals with this. I now feel like a woman hand in hand with some of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of hearing from.

Yesterday my husband brought me coffee in bed, a dozen roses….and the “Buckster” man gave me a wristwatch with Pooh bear on it. Awwwwwwwwwww.

My husband is still working on that picture of me. (on a normal size piece of canvas I might add...@&#^!!*) It’s very Dali’esque. My fingers are pushing through a liquid computer screen. There is a drawer coming out of my back holding a broken heart with a pull string on it….there is a rope like umbilical cord that wraps its way around my neck and ends in a tiny baby embryo floating far away in space, (representing my inner struggle’s with my own childhood) my hair streams out behind me like there is wind coming from the screen. There is a book laying open before me….my poetry is words coming out of my left ear falling down onto the page like scattered alpha bits. It’s a very touching picture. It brought tears to my eyes. My body is shoulders leading to a ghostlike figure below that…..he’s inscribed my tattoo (Chinese symbol for poetry) on the area that would be my lower back if it was constructed in body form, but it’s not….it billows away into nothingness. Although in the picture I do have my left breast and it is nude. The entire picture is absolutely amazing. And, he’s adding small touches here and there. Tiny little references to me. The computer screen has now been given a brand name in the lower left hand corner. It’s a “Westerberg”. Now we all know that there is no such brand….*grin*

Yesterday was hard. That day will always be hard. What bothers me the most is that the people that I considered friends…were non-existent or just plain cruel. (35% warning?!) But I have learned that some people just never are what they want to represent. I am who I am. Call me names, treat me bad, and I’ll still stand up. I will no longer be knocked down.

Yesterday my husband gave me the freedom to do as I pleased with my day. I went to the bookstore of course and we went out for lunch. I had a very nice peaceful Sunday and I’m glad to say that tears came to my eyes once while talking through things with husband, but I never broke down, and I DID NOT sit in a corner shaking or feeling numb like I have every year before. Something deep has changed and I rejoice for it. I can't say for sure, but I do think it had something to do with the art that my husband is making for me.

7:54 a.m. ::
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