cluttering the net since 2001

posession issues

Sunday, Jul. 09, 2006

I have a stupid issue to vent about.  Stupid because I’m probably stupid for feeling this way or having this issue but here we go.


I recently read The Davinci Code.  In order to do this I bought the Edition that has all the color photos in it. 


When I read I have certain rules about books.


  1. I do not dog ear.
  2. I do not fold pages
  3. I do not fold back covers
  4. I do not write in my books
  5. I do not bend, mangle, twirl, or any other such thing.


Having said that, I am anal. I admit I am anal.  Very anal about my books.  I cringe when I see people do any of the above.  One time I actually allowed myself to highlight sentences in a book, and this was difficult.  Very.  It bothered me for days even though I can now go back to that book and find the pretty sentences.  I probably never will but that highlighting ink is going to haunt me forever.


Now…more of the set up….


On Saturday night, Randy came over with his girlfriend Chrissy.  I have a fundamental issue with their relationship and I am going to sound like a hypocrite because when it comes to this issue in part at least, I am a hypocrite.


Chrissy is still married to her first and only husband.  The father of her two children.  Yes….still married. Even two years later and she was separated from him for quite some time prior to meeting Randy.


Randy and Chrissy have been together for about 2 years now. I don’t know the exacts but it’s been at least that long I believe.  And all this time….still married.  All this time…no divorce in the works.  No papers filed.  No attorney called.  No attempts at resolution to move towards a divorce. 


So this leaves her STILL MARRIED.  STILL MARRIED to someone who is NOT Randy.


I acknowledge that I was STILL MARRIED too when I met Rick.  STILL MARRIED when I moved in with him.  STILL MARRIED when I yanked his clothes off.  But I was very much without doubt getting a divorce.  And I was very much screwed over in the final weeks of my first marriage.  And my ex-husband was very much fucking someone else for nearly a year prior to his leaving. 


Within two months of my separation there were papers in the works, there was a divorce attorney (yes he paid for it and obtained it…but we were working on a mutual divorce decree too)  Yes I drug it out somewhat intentionally because it was costing him money and pissing off his homewrecker who could find no personal peace until they were married because being a homewrecker is okay but being without a marriage license wasn’t.  Yes I slept with someone else while married to someone else who was sleeping with someone else long before I met my someone else.  Ohh yes I’m bad like that.  Therefore I acknowledge that I am far from perfect.  And this is somewhat hypocritical when it comes to just looking at the facts.


So….Randy talks about one day marrying Chrissy and it pisses me off because I want to scream, “But she’s still FUCKING MARRIED….duh!!!”   Or better yet I want to say, “oh really, so how’s that divorce coming along?”  I always bite my lip and say nothing.


In all fairness, I have asked Chrissy what the hold up is.  Why no divorce?  She simply states that she doesn’t want to pay child support to him for her son, whom lives with him.  She doesn’t want to pay her estranged husband anything.  However, there are divorces whereby no one pays child support.  How do I know this? 


I HAD ONE myself.


Oh, I know these are rare.  I also know that her HUSBAND (yes she has a HUSBAND) doesn’t want a divorce and will never willingly give her one.  Maybe because she bailed on him and is fucking someone else and it pisses him off?  Yes I often wonder what his side of the story is, because I realize there are two and you never hear the other side.


But, when it comes to getting a divorce, she’s also doing nothing about it.  Years of doing nothing about it.


So this leads me back to my deep seeded opinion about this issue.


People who are married to other people should not be fucking people they are not married to.


Yes, call me insane because I don’t call myself judgmental but overall this issue isn’t something I harp about or speak about to either of them.  But there are moments of pure insanity in my mind when Randy says “When we get married…  or some such sentence that contains the word marriage… and I want to stand up and scream in their faces.  BUT SHE’S ALREADY MARRIED YOU FUCKING DORK.


But I never do.  I come close.  I rant about it to Rick all the time.  Because yes I rant to my husband allll the time.  I’m like that too.  And it pisses him off because he really doesn’t care what they do.


So….to put these two items together.  Ready?  Here we go.


On Sat night Randy and Chrissy came over.  Actually Rick was at his other brother’s house playing Poker and all three of them rolled in together.  Randy, Chrissy and Rick, who ran into them in our parking lot.


During the chat session, my book that I just finished, ‘The DaVinci Code” was lying on the coffee table.  Chrissy picked it up and was checking it out.  Yes this one tiny act made me secretly tic on the inside.  I don’t like other people fondling my books.  Yes I have fucking issues.  I admit it.


And then ….then something horrid happened.


She asked if she could borrow it!


Let’s keep these things in mind.


I have “possession issues”.  These issues were created by my ex-husband who pawned my belongings left and right, my ex-husband who gave my things to other women, my ex-husband who sold my things, stole my things, used my things and had no respect for my things.  This caused me to have big possession issues.  I admit it.  It’s really personally harmful when you bust your ass to have things in life and someone else show’s little regard for your belongings. 


So she asks me if she can borrow a book.


I almost had a heart attack and died on the spot.


My response was, “I have a policy against lending my books out.”


She put the book down and said, “oh ok.”


Randy pipes in immediately and says, “not even to FAMILY?”




I said nothing.  That was me screaming on the inside.


She is not my family.  She is not related to me in any way, shape or form.  She’s fucking MARRIED to someone else.  Someone else that while I believe he’s perhaps really and truly a jerk, he’s still her real and legal husband.


She’s not my family.


I could not believe he said that.


Now let’s back up and I will say this….


  1. Randy is Rick’s family and is my brother in law and any one in his life should technically or in-technically be my family.
  2. Yah….I’m confused by my own issues versus my popular believe that fucking someone other than your legal spouse is wrong.


Let me also say this


  1. I cheated on my ex-husband after he left the state to carry on having an affair for 21 days taking my son along for the ride.  I cheated on him while still married to him but felt that he left the bonds of marriage when he drove over the Florida state line heading towards an affair.
  2. This event was wrong and left me truly mentally fucked up for quite some time.
  3. I am not perfect.
  4. I have “family” issues.
  5. I have “possession” issues.


And most importantly….




Let me close this by saying, I don’t think Chrissy should be with a man that abuses her or treats her poorly, I just believe she should fucking get a divorce already!!  It’s ridicules.  And having said that I recall someone once even offering to pay for my own divorce to put an end to the insanity.  Yes this issue makes me understand his statement now.  Perhaps I need to offer to do that for her….oh wait…it’s not the cost of the divorce it’s the unknown fear of paying child support.


Is this my own personal issue?  Does anyone out there agree?


Please note that I’m seriously considering buying her a copy of the book so that I can feel no guilt about my own issues, she gets the book and mine stays intact and I never have to fear it’s destruction or demise.  Because believe it or not, it still pisses me off that my ex-husbands new wife hangs things on her walls that he made me for anniversaries.  I don’t like people taking my shit.  Even if I’m lending, it bothers me somewhere deep.


I have possession issues.  Truly.  Don’t touch my clothes, my books, my CD’s or my DVD’s or my coffee canisters, etc. etc.  I have fucked up issues.  I do. 


Am I the only one?




10:58 p.m. ::
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