cluttering the net since 2001

positively want to be someone else's mommy again...

Saturday, Oct. 25, 2003
I haven't even been around here for over a week. I've been busy visiting my life. Working and coming home and reading, lazing around in the bathtub full of bubbles, listening to BF breathing beside me at night. And then I come here and remember how violently ugly some people can be. I will not address it futher except to say I can see why everything good about expressing your inner thoughts for self examination is a bad idea because there's inevitably someone that wants to come along and fuck with your life for kicks. hmmm...so be it. It's been beautiful weather wise here...fall in Florida is pretty much perfect summer as seen in PA only it's autumn here. Bucky is over this weekend. BF and I are making dinner. Pork chops, corn, beans and mashed potatoes. He just went to the store for some bread. Bucky is on the couch making a girl out of a clothespin (supposedly it's me) and now he's making me a Chloe dog to attach with a leash. Should be interesting.

I'm tired. Simply and purely tired. I took a pregnancy test at work that a co-worker gave me (his wife works in the OB department at a local hospital and she gave me the hospital version of a EPT test) It came back positive. I haven't gone to a doctor and I haven't taken another test since. I truly need to do so soon. I think I'm afraid of the dissapointment I'll feel if I am not truly pregnant. I've taken tests before and been dissapointed when I can't hug him and tell him he's going to be a daddy.

Last night BF's sister came into town. And in the course of the evening BF's other sister's kids were being all cute and toddler like while eating pizza and his brother stated to me "you guys need about ten of em." Now I don't know about ten of them, but one sure would be pretty kewl. I'm just afraid sometimes of losing another family. In order to build a new one... I have to take risks. The risk of loss is a huge one in my heart.

Bucky did much better in school this semester. All of his grades went up. He's still having a slight struggle in ...get this....READING. Ugh. This is a child I read to as an infant. A toddler that had bookshelves full of books. A child that was read to every night before bed until the divorce. And now ex is talking about getting him a tutor for afterschool. This is something I wholeheartedly support. One minor aggravation as of late is that the school won't mail me information regarding my son's well-being because we can only list him at one address regardless of what the custody paperwork says from the court. This means that the school (in his farthers school district) only mails information to him and therefore I am left in the dark about events etc. This pisses me off because I then miss every thing. I have decided to contact the school on Monday and mail them some self addressed stamped envelopes so that they will mail me information about my son. Insane! As if I'm the only person who is divorced. Not quite!!!

Alright...that's about it for this time around folks.

If you happen to be about to marry a bulimic food purging girl ten plus years younger than you and you are already complaining about missing the romance, and she's completely unsure of how to be a parent to your child because she just left childhood herself I would advise some pre-marital counseling.

Have a nice night!

4:29 p.m. ::
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