cluttering the net since 2001

queer co-workers

Friday, Jan. 25, 2002
First and foremost…thanks ninepoems for the guestbook wordage!!!

secondly…. Don’t miss my last entry…

and lastly….

Husband leaves the house at 5:30 a.m. and strategically places the pillows in the bed in a way that I could only best describe as “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off” style. Its as though he wants me to believe that he’s still there. Oddly enough we sleep so far away from each other I wouldn’t know if he coughed. I wouldn’t feel the bed move. And we have a waterbed!!! So I got to work and called him up and said “do you have a morning booty call at dawn or what?” He said “Oh gawd…how I wish”. I said “me too.” We had a small chit chat of nothing worth mentioning...about work…etc. and I hung up and turned and looked at “Delboy” my coworker and said “yeah he’s hitting it somewhere.” He said, “Hitting it? Do you think you’re hip?” I said, “No..I know I am.”

I have had this strange thing going on in the last few months that I don’t understand. I have spent so much time and money sitting in Borders drinking expensive coffee and buying books. I have so many books that I’ve read the first 20 to 25 pages, bought and took home and just shoved into my bookcase just to turn around and go back the following weekend and repeat. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I think I love the atmosphere. I go in there, and I swear they’re playing music on the overhead that includes “buyyyy something…you will be happier if you do” in the psychological mind altering kind of way.

I’m getting used to this Splenda….its starting to taste normal to me. How scary is that? Some chick at the racetrack convenience store pushed the door to get past me and my decaf coffee sprayed out of my cup enough to make me sticky and stuff. But I have on black today. She says, “I’m sorry”. I said “ya know what…save it…everyone says their sorry the most when they’re not!!” She was like “Uh…excuse me???” And I said, “Listen you don’t want to be the person that I unleash on so just do yourself a favor and keep walking”. She looked at me and walked away. Like Unger taught me to say “See you next Tuesday” which is supposed to mean C U Next Tuesday. C.U.N.T. That’s so horrible. But she was one. And it was funny when I said “see you next Tuesday” and she looked at me like a dumb cunt that she obviously was. Ok ok…so I’m the cunt for being this way. But I’m stretched to my limit. And I’m not up for all those fake-ass “I’m sorry’s”.

No I’m not getting cynical. I’m growing balls. There is a difference. You’d have to have known me a few years ago. I was timid, quiet, and passive. Those days are over! Gone!

My coworkers are all pretty queer…some are the queerest of the queer…. Let me explain….

Unger – (formerly mentioned…a few times..) 26, bald,eccentric, rough Boston accent, bald, young, hip, alcohol lover, rap music lover, daddy of one cute kid aptly named Anthony (Godfather style), neat freak thus the nickname!, picks on me unmercifully as if he doesn’t like me at all, but I know he thinks I’m the bomb ass chick cause he introduces me as such…but if I mention it to him he promptly says “fuck you” with a big Unger-style grin. He also likes to break out in some goofy sort of dance he calls “the booty shake” when a good song comes on.

Delboy - (also mentioned several times) 32, short buzz cut hair, Cali boy…still says “hey dude..check it out…” to me all the time….he’s got a daughter Amber, 9 and a son Daniel, 2 and he’s on his second marriage. Second wife is a b*@#H who won’t let him drive the expensive Honda van he bought her. He scrapes together dollars for lunch and knows only 80’s Depeche Mode/Duran Duran style music and asks me constantly “who’s singing this song?” Delboy is my best friend in life right now. He and I have a very close thang goin’. NOT That CLOSE!!!! But he’s been where I am and he listens to me whine….a lot! One time my boss…Richard…told me that Delboy and I should “get together” because we get a long so well. But Delboy is 5’4 150 lbs and such a pretty boy that I just couldn’t ever see us together…he’s not physically my type. But I’d give him my left arm if it made him happy….

The Silencer - There’s not too much to say about him because he rarely speaks. But when he gets drunk he likes to pick up on me…. *Note to self* - don’t get drunk with The Silencer ever again…

Altieri - This boy is a small dude. He’s from my homestate of PA and he’s stuck in highschool even though he’s 32 years old. He’s one of those guys that walks around like he can’t put his arms down at his side and adjusts his shirts as though his muscles are causing such great discomfort that he can’t help himself. Plllaaa…ese… Sickening. I think his days are numbered considering he’s never booked an order.

Riverdance - This guy’s only 21 and he’s got 2 small kids and a wife already. I aptly named him Riverdance because he delivers pizza at a second job and told me that if a person doesn’t look like their going to give him a tip he breaks out in the “riverdance” while holding their pizza and smiling like a goon. All he has to do is start that dance and I’m on the floor holding my side. He imitates holding the pizza and everything….

Josh – boring guy not even worth a nickname….sits there…says little beyond “thanks” to me all day. *Yawn* I can totally see how some people are single for life.

Richard - Richard is my boss. He’s 34. He’s actually the coolest boss I’ve ever had. I actually like him and have a lot of respect for him. He’s kewl to the point that he hands out beer at 4 p.m. every Friday and we all have a beer together and chill. He’s Italian and can speak Italian and when he gets on the phone with someone and he’s speaking Italian I love every minute of it.

Lynda - Lynda is Richard’s girlfriend. She’s an awesome girl and I hope that someday I am as independent and strong as she is. She’s someone that I look up to and really like as a person. She’s of course fun to make fun of when she goes for those dye jobs that are funny the first day after she has it done. Of course the next day…she looks awesome and I wish I had hair like that. Her hair is awesome. Long…curly…thick. Grrrrr…

Keith - redhead young guy who picked on “Riverdance” for a week prior to the Christmas party about him being gay even though he’s married. And then Keith brought 2 guy friends to the Christmas party…one wearing a purple silk scarf around his neck…the other saying “that’s so lovely” every chance he got. Not only is he “gay” he is a gay playah that picks on straight men? I haven’t got him figured out yet…. I don’t waste time on a guy that asks to borrow my hand lotion and goes into the bathroom with it. A guy that sits and files his nails at work…he’s a strange one…

Kenny - he’s an older man with a wicked perverted sense of humour and he rarely fails to make me laugh. He’s the one that always says to me “Is this the person I’m talking to?” whereby I reply “yes is this the person that called me?” when he calls in from outside of the building. This never fails to make me laugh…. He’s a kewl old dude.

Leroy- He's in his early 30's...Leroy is his name but outside of that name he is the totally hipster IT guy that comes in and fucks up my pc and then tells me that it’s my fault for having my desktop picture. Whatever! He listens to ‘liquid’ music and is cool as shit. I dig him. I sorta have some weird crush on him but would never…. He’s got something about him that I totally dig…he’s smart! And I just have this thing for computerally smart men. They make me wet with their knowledge. I like the way they all bend over the keyboard with determination. And outside of the fact that he drives a Volvo..he’s radical and I do have a strange interest in him. If my pc ever works right I’ll send myself a virus so that he has to talk to me….teehee…

Ok so there you have it. I work for a company that has the name of a fruit in its title. And it should be called something else. Like “freaks r us” or something. I don’t know where I fit in. I am pretty much outside of Lynda the only girl that works here. (We have another room full of people that just smile and dial and I didn’t include them cause that room has a revolving door on it. In and out and in and out…and “where’d that person in chair number 3 go???” is a commonly said phrase regarding that room.

I hear a lot of stuff that guys talk about to other guys. And every now and then Unger says “there’s no girls in here…” and then says “oops…there is…”.

But..in the end..I love men. I totally love em. They are an interesting lot. My best friends in life have always been guys. Always… I think that men are kewl because they just say things and skip all the bullshit. I think girls make it harder for guys because we’re all like “um..what does that mean?” We are always looking for something deeper in their simple statements.

Most guys are just thinking “you chick..me boy…I’m thinking about doing stuff to you….what did you say again?” And if you figure that out…you’re home free. Or just smile and get naked…they’ll all love ya. Trust me on this…. It never fails to work…at least for five minutes…. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I can’t believe I’m in a good mood. What the fuck’s up with that? I have no reason and yet I’m just all smiles. It’s sometimes like you can only be as miserable as you let yourself I guess. And I’m so over feeling that way so I’m smiling….and shirking off the bad stuff.


The queerest of the queer
Hide inside your head
The blindest of the blind
The deadest of the dead
You're hungry cause you starve
While holding back the tears
Choking on your smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

holy fuck that was one long ass entry…
10:28 a.m. ::
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