PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

ahhh the Inter is re-netted

Friday, Mar. 11, 2005
I absolutely adore all of the comments and ideas I got from my readers (who I really think of as friends of mileage distance) regarding the new apartment as well as my decorating etc. I love to decorate and I have to admit until we moved into this apartment I was a little wane about it. I did it for years and felt less than appreciated for all of my efforts and then when the split happened my ex stole everything I had spent years and years collecting and amassing and making. Yes he and his new wife were in the house ripping things off of the walls and taking homemade wreathes and things that I had poured my heart and soul into. They took hundreds of dollars worth of things that took me years to amass and collect and furthermore FIND. Putting a home together is not about money, but rather about finding things that reflect your personality. It was heart breaking for a long time. And then something happened. I healed and I let go. I figured it was a lost life and I needed to rebuild and move on. There were a few things that I snatched, one being the entertainment center. I put things into storage and paid for storage for quite a few months while comments came through the grapevine from my exís new whore that it was a waste of time because I was ďhomeless and didnít have anywhere for the stuff anyways and should have given it to the ex.Ē Yes she said these lowly comments to my own son. I persevered and yet the part of me that loves to decorate and make a nest..it was damaged for quite some time.

But like all things in life, it had its season. And now, now I found myself shopping with abandon with my son last weekend. New bathroom things, new comforter and new window treatments later I was feeling something inside of me mend itself. I am now grateful that he did what he did then, I have a new beginning.

But I must admit I still wonder why my exís new wife would want wreathes that I put together myself. I wonder if she has them hanging on her walls but I finally donít care enough to ask my son about any of it.

The entertainment center was an expensive piece of furniture that I spent close to 3 years looking for. I paid for it and when the split happened I stated emphatically that it was mine and if I did not get it I would slash his rental furniture to pieces leaving him to pay for it while it was destroyed. He was no longer in the house and so he relented. And I personally donít think he cared, but his whore was pissed about it. She simply wanted it. Prior to her being with him, she lived in an ugly house that had only hand me down furniture and belongings. Everything in it was trashed and ugly. Period. Trust me I know, I was her neighbor for 5 years. I know. But to this day I figure their home is quite ugly because taste is something that canít be stolen from somewhere else. She may still have my belongings but Iím pretty damn sure she doesnít know how to put any of it together.

For years I had a country home, with candles and wreathes and quilts. I had antique teddy bears and cookie molds and wrought iron and a collection of heart shaped items that included pans and cookie sheets and all sorts of things. All gone. I had a lot of things packed up in the garage and they simply disappeared. I wonder how she can use those things without the constant reminder that they were MINE. How can she make cookies and not think of me every time? Sheís just not right in the head if she can. These days I prefer a much less cluttered look and have even ditch canned a lot of unnecessary things that I just didnít love. If I donít love a piece then I donít want to own it anymore. I still adore candles and have them in every room and will probably forever stop at the candle isle at every store and I especially adore Yankee candles because they smell better than any other brand thatís out there.

I should state that I have never set foot in my exís house. He lives in a very old rundown looking rental house a block from the beach. I have driven there to see where it is but did not do more than do a drive by. Those houses are close to the beach and they rent for a fairly high price but this price has absolutely shit nothing to do with the looks of them or the amenities. Itís a small house and has old style crank out windows and no grass, just sand and crap. I recall one time long ago she painted a bathroom herself and it looked like total shit. She painted it an ugly color and did not sponge paint near the top of the walls and there were huge gaps up there. My ex comes from parents that hung a ceiling fan on their ceiling and then duct taped the wireís across the ceiling and down the walls and taped them over with duct tape and then the piece dí resistance they painted the damn duct tape with white paint, because fuckÖno one would notice that trailer trash shit right? He could make stuff out of wood, and he did make me a lot of shelves and stuff, but she got all of the hand me down things and I often wonder what a woman wants with another girlís birthday gifts? Makes no sense to me.

These days my favorite color is still black and I adore spray-painting things that color because itís a color that is very forgiving. But since I prefer a more stark appearance, I am still weeding out all of the clutter and papers and stuff that just accumulates. The apartment still has that look since every available surface has things sitting on them until I clear things out.

The cable guy came today and he commented, ďTheyíve improved these apartments greatly, it looks great in here.Ē I think it had everything to do with our furniture etc. and the way I have decorated. He said he liked my bed too. Nice cable guy nice. :-) He even liked Chloe even though she was jumping on the back of his legs and barking at him like he was the devil. (the cable guy is married honeyÖ.)

And so thereís my entry right after the cable guy hooked up the InternetÖ.
1:25 p.m. ::
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