cluttering the net since 2001

rent me a new heart this one's broken

Thursday, Feb. 28, 2002
I have a smaller bra on. Yes I announced that because its time to talk about the dirt. I bought a matching pantie/bra set last night. Of all things to be spending my cash on right now. Like perhaps a toaster..an answering machine….bath towels…all the things that I won’t have anymore. No…I didn’t buy those things…

Instead I bought a mint green matching pantie/bra set. And I feel sorta sexy today wearing this set under my lifesaver sweater. Yes I have a lifesaver sweater. It’s striped with all bright pastel colors. So anyways…my boobies are one cup size smaller and one size smaller in number around I am I am! So this is a small success in the long battle of the bulge…but I feel pretty wearing my mint green underneath.

And yes…I got my princess bed…but I have no prince. So I’m sure I’ll still feel the pea. I wrote this poem a long time ago and it still is me…

I am PoeticaL
Intensely hysterical
Ironically irrational
I am immaterial
I eat life in lyrical
Seeking ethereal
I am tangible
Touch me
Feel me
Hear me
Breathe me
My quill is truly
A birth canal sea
My poetry
Is my hearts plea
My soul
Has an admission fee
Ink is my tolerable degree
Take me
Save me
Hear me
Fear me
Lost my happiness
I am now an amputee
Yet I dont regret
I am the princess and
I always feel the pea

Someone tell me something….why am I so intense about who and what husband is doing right now? Why does it matter so deeply to me whenever I am the one that wanted to move out? What the fuck is all of this about?
I just got informed by the apartment complex that I need to pay two months rent to get in. In other words, “your credit sucks so bad that we want to see more money upfront!” Husband says he can make that all happen and not to worry about it. But….hmm… I dunno. I worry about absolutely everything! I will always. And why’s he in such a big hurry to get me out and why’s he helping me? He says its because he thinks I need to go live on my own and figure shit out. Who knows what the hells going on anymore… I don’t.

I don’t think there’s a prince in my future, but hey….even snow white didn’t have a fat ass…so I still ate my fruit for lunch and am still excercising. Leslie Sansone you rock!

And I’m still curling up next to husband everynight. I guess I know there are lots of lonely nights in my future. I’m so confused….


And look at the two of us in sympathy
And sometimes ecstasy
Words mean so little, and money less
When you're lying next to me

But look at my hopes, look at my dreams
The currency we've spent
(Ooooh) I love you, oh, you pay my rent
(Ooooh) I love you, you pay my rent
(Ooooh) Ooh, I love you, you pay my rent
Pet Shop Boys
12:37 p.m. ::
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