cluttering the net since 2001

“my trust is full of histories rust”

Thursday, Jan. 03, 2002

You're Ani DiFranco!
The Punk Politician

50°F Light Rain Feels Like: 45°F

This sucks really bad. Its not like I still live in PA. I would go out and kiss a palm tree to remind myself of why I live here but I might stick to it like that kid in A Christmas Story sticks to the metal pool.

“Bucky” is going to PA tomorrow morning to see his grandparents. While this was his idea I’m freaking out because of everything that happened last year. I am starting to hyperventilate worrying if he’s really ever going to come back. I know its stupid because the lines of communication are completely open, but then again I thought that before. I’m terrified really, but I don’t have the heart to tell him that he can’t go because “Mommy’s going fucking insane with worry!!!!!” So I’m sure I’ll suck it up and say goodbye to him in the morning like a big girl. I will miss him, but maybe I can use this time away from him to get my act together.

I am laughing but….I’m terrified and all kindsa feelings are hitting me from those 21 days last year.

He’s flying to PA. He’s getting on a plane all by himself. We paid for an airline babysitter of some sort who is supposed to watch out for your kid. I am concerned about this, but I am outnumbered on importance of opinion. I feel like kidnapping him and not letting him go. But that’s not right either. Who’s bright idea was all of this? It was “Buckys” idea. And since his grandparents miss him and wanted to see him, they forked out the relatively cheap $180 airline fare. We’re paying the $40 per flight charge for supervision. How did we get jacked on that deal? I guess cause we love him and want him back. Teeheee…. Oh god, I hope I can keep laughing about this….because I can feel that lump in my throat….

His winter coat just fits him. GAP rules. I bought him this coat back in PA when he was 5 and he’s now 9. Of course I bought it too big, but I got my $50 out of that coat. But now it just fits. He wanted me to go buy him a new coat but I’m not doing that for one trip to PA. I told him explicitly that he can wear his old coat and for him to tell his Pappy and Grammy that his coats too small. Let them flip for a new coat. After all in 3 months I’ll be buying him new swim trunks. So forget this coat stuff…..let them…

I’m still waiting for my digital camera from ebay…. I’ll probably post some more pic’s of Bucky on my website when I get it. I can’t wait to brag. Teeeheeee….. He looks just like me.

One more day and a weekend…..boy all that time off sure made me lazy! Big time lazy!!!

My chow’s are shedding and I find myself at work picking dog hairs off of my clothes…gross…

I keep thinking about how “he” told me last night in essence that I had my head up my ass if I couldn’t tell how he felt about me. And that maybe I don’t really know him if I don’t know that stuff about him yet. Doh! Why do I always need to be told the words to believe the feelings are there? Must be a girl thing..or a me thing….or just a thing…


I don't trust noboy
and nobody trust me.
Never gonna trust anybody
and that's the way its gonna be!!....
-Limp Bizkit
10:18 a.m. ::
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