�my trust is full of histories rust�
Thursday, Jan. 03, 2002
You're Ani DiFranco!
The Punk Politician
Brrrrrrrrr��
This sucks really bad. Its not like I still live in PA. I would go out and kiss a palm tree to remind myself of why I live here but I might stick to it like that kid in A Christmas Story sticks to the metal pool.
�Bucky� is going to PA tomorrow morning to see his grandparents. While this was his idea I�m freaking out because of everything that happened last year. I am starting to hyperventilate worrying if he�s really ever going to come back. I know its stupid because the lines of communication are completely open, but then again I thought that before. I�m terrified really, but I don�t have the heart to tell him that he can�t go because �Mommy�s going fucking insane with worry!!!!!� So I�m sure I�ll suck it up and say goodbye to him in the morning like a big girl. I will miss him, but maybe I can use this time away from him to get my act together.
I am laughing but�.I�m terrified and all kindsa feelings are hitting me from those 21 days last year.
He�s flying to PA. He�s getting on a plane all by himself. We paid for an airline babysitter of some sort who is supposed to watch out for your kid. I am concerned about this, but I am outnumbered on importance of opinion. I feel like kidnapping him and not letting him go. But that�s not right either. Who�s bright idea was all of this? It was �Buckys� idea. And since his grandparents miss him and wanted to see him, they forked out the relatively cheap $180 airline fare. We�re paying the $40 per flight charge for supervision. How did we get jacked on that deal? I guess cause we love him and want him back. Teeheee�. Oh god, I hope I can keep laughing about this�.because I can feel that lump in my throat�.
His winter coat just fits him. GAP rules. I bought him this coat back in PA when he was 5 and he�s now 9. Of course I bought it too big, but I got my $50 out of that coat. But now it just fits. He wanted me to go buy him a new coat but I�m not doing that for one trip to PA. I told him explicitly that he can wear his old coat and for him to tell his Pappy and Grammy that his coats too small. Let them flip for a new coat. After all in 3 months I�ll be buying him new swim trunks. So forget this coat stuff�..let them�
I�m still waiting for my digital camera from ebay�. I�ll probably post some more pic�s of Bucky on my website when I get it. I can�t wait to brag. Teeeheeee�.. He looks just like me.
One more day and a weekend�..boy all that time off sure made me lazy! Big time lazy!!!
My chow�s are shedding and I find myself at work picking dog hairs off of my clothes�gross�
I keep thinking about how �he� told me last night in essence that I had my head up my ass if I couldn�t tell how he felt about me. And that maybe I don�t really know him if I don�t know that stuff about him yet. Doh! Why do I always need to be told the words to believe the feelings are there? Must be a girl thing..or a me thing�.or just a thing�
PoeticaL
I don't trust noboy
and nobody trust me.
Never gonna trust anybody
and that's the way its gonna be!!....
-Limp Bizkit
