sexually awake

what's your inner flower?
[c] s u g a r d e w

Ok so I don�t care if people are tired of the whole �t� thing. I am happy. I am no longer walking around feeling trapped. I am taking action and doing things. I have started to push off tons of my normal responsibilities saying to myself �well if I don�t do it these things won�t get done and who cares?� I mean if these things were so damn important all these years then I would have had help along the way.

Husband basically goes to work, comes limping home complaining about his oh so owie illness and then goes to bed around 7 pm. C�mon. I go to be at the crack of dawn. I am up for hours doing laundry etc. Mostly pissing around on my computer. But lately I don�t sit so much chatting. I am determined to write that book. Being that I�m all upbeat and happy go lucky lately it�s easier to tackle new things.

I�m back to being a Splenda whore and I have every intention to go for a brisk 2 mile walk tonight. I need to find a nice track and learn to run. And nope its not a need. It�s a want.

I have this image in my head of the kind of girl I want to be. I have to start somewhere. So I have just decided to start. One step is better than sitting on the couch crying my blubbering eyes out anymore. I�ve had it with that approach. It doesn�t work either. So enough I say! Enough!

I got a new book last night by Irvine Welsh that has a rape scene in it. You�d have to read the scene before you�ll understand this, but that scene is written so well and so beautifully that it almost made me wonder if I had some sort of rape fantasy. I mean, not rape like cut me and hurt me rape. More like that sort of thing where a man just �does� and doesn�t ask. Ever notice that when they stop to ask you �is this ok?� they somehow lose that powerful animal stance that they started out with?

I am so close to my sexual side right now that I feel like a walking hormone. Like a woman again. I don�t know what�s going on with me, but it�s all very good. I�m happy� this is a brand new outfit for me to wear and I am checking it out constantly.

I�m cautious but everytime I wonder if �t� really cares about me he goes and does the stuff he did today. And I know that no one would do these things for no reason. And NO he�s not bored. He�s actually pretty dang busy defending the country from cyber warfare!!

ok I gotta go back to workie now�grr�.

-PoeticaL

don't give me shit about the rape comment, I have been raped....so....uh..yeah There's a difference. A big f'n difference between what I'm talking about and violence.