cluttering the net since 2001

sexually awake

Wednesday, Aug. 21, 2002

what's your inner flower?

[c] s u g a r d e w

Ok so I dont care if people are tired of the whole t thing. I am happy. I am no longer walking around feeling trapped. I am taking action and doing things. I have started to push off tons of my normal responsibilities saying to myself well if I dont do it these things wont get done and who cares? I mean if these things were so damn important all these years then I would have had help along the way.

Husband basically goes to work, comes limping home complaining about his oh so owie illness and then goes to bed around 7 pm. Cmon. I go to be at the crack of dawn. I am up for hours doing laundry etc. Mostly pissing around on my computer. But lately I dont sit so much chatting. I am determined to write that book. Being that Im all upbeat and happy go lucky lately its easier to tackle new things.

Im back to being a Splenda whore and I have every intention to go for a brisk 2 mile walk tonight. I need to find a nice track and learn to run. And nope its not a need. Its a want.

I have this image in my head of the kind of girl I want to be. I have to start somewhere. So I have just decided to start. One step is better than sitting on the couch crying my blubbering eyes out anymore. Ive had it with that approach. It doesnt work either. So enough I say! Enough!

I got a new book last night by Irvine Welsh that has a rape scene in it. Youd have to read the scene before youll understand this, but that scene is written so well and so beautifully that it almost made me wonder if I had some sort of rape fantasy. I mean, not rape like cut me and hurt me rape. More like that sort of thing where a man just does and doesnt ask. Ever notice that when they stop to ask you is this ok? they somehow lose that powerful animal stance that they started out with?

I am so close to my sexual side right now that I feel like a walking hormone. Like a woman again. I dont know whats going on with me, but its all very good. Im happy this is a brand new outfit for me to wear and I am checking it out constantly.

Im cautious but everytime I wonder if t really cares about me he goes and does the stuff he did today. And I know that no one would do these things for no reason. And NO hes not bored. Hes actually pretty dang busy defending the country from cyber warfare!!

ok I gotta go back to workie nowgrr.


don't give me shit about the rape comment, I have been raped....so....uh..yeah There's a difference. A big f'n difference between what I'm talking about and violence.
12:59 p.m. ::
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