PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

song 3, lie, felony

Wednesday, Jun. 19, 2002
I went to bed last night at 10:30 ! Can you believe it? I can’t. All curled up snuggling against my new Pooh face guy. Ya know, he’s just a pooh bear face pillow thing, the one that Gabby gave me. I was being goofy. I said, “I feel just like this poor Pooh guy.” He said “how come?” I said, “cause lookie he’s got no “body”…poor Pooh bear’s got nobody. He just says, “oh geez…you’re a goof.”

About ten minutes later I stated to the dark “I wish I had those new Oreo’s with the chocolate crème stuff inside….I keep wondering what that chocolate crème stuff tastes like” I laid there in the dark…and the next thing I heard was husband getting up out of bed. I assumed to go take a leak or tell the dogs to shut up or get some water or go throw his T-tops back into his pussy mobile or one of those usual things he sometimes gets up to do. I fell asleep…

And next thing I know, there’s the light. There he is. Fully dressed. Holding a brand new bag of Oreos and a big giant glass of milk. And…well.. Cookies were had. *crunch* *crunch* *dip* *crunch* *crunch* mmmmm yummy! And no body gave any to Pooh. ;-(

~~~

This morning I forwarded an email I got from Jamie regarding a new song we’re working on. It’s about how lies can ruin a good thing. I wrote Jamie a rather long email about this issue and how I wanted to portray what I have learned in the last 2 years about lies etc. I forwarded the lyrics I wrote. There are two sets of lyrics. Almost like two different songs but both pretty much the same idea. Jamie usually goes to Rob (at least the last two times this is how it went) and then Rob takes what I have provided and he sits down with his guitar and he’s off and running.

Anyways, I’ve been throwing this idea for a song all around for a couple months now. All during this time I have been fighting these demons….

So….last night Jamie comes back to me and basically says “thanks..I’ll show Rob, I don’t show him everything you show me because I don’t have your permission.” So…being all excited like I am about this stuff, I forwarded the email to “him” because I trust “him” not to steal my lyrics or do anything to sabotage me. Imagine this. I’m writing a song about lying because of the issues I have had with “him”, and yet I show him the outcome because I trust him. So I trust him and yet I lie to him? What the f…??? The person I trust the most…is the person I…

And…here’s the worst part. “He” just called me and said, “I saw your email this morning and I didn’t have time to read it or print it and so can you forward it to my work email so I can read it now?” He’s interested. No one else has ever been so interested in me…my songs…anything I have to say…what I write…. well… I don’t know. It’s the way he goes about it that gets to me. It’s the way he doesn’t come out and say much. It’s his actions. It was the birthday gift of a writing class. It was his phone call the night the band released their CD and he said, “ok play me your song…c’mon…hurry up!” There’s nothing to be happy about if no one else is happy with you. There’s nothing like happiness that can be shared with someone else! All night that night husband kept walking out on the show, sitting outside and then telling me, “the smoke is bothering me.” I just remember not feeling quite right about that night until I was in my car playing the song for him. And he said in his normal smartass way, “yeah it’s pretty ok for not being a country song”. He then followed that with “Where’s my copy?”

I just know that if the band does this song, it’s going to be a difficult song to listen to. But will probably be the best thing I’ve ever done. It saddens me that he supports me. He doesn’t know how wrong he is to do that… I don’t deserve him.

And this begins the issue of me thinking I deserve nothing good. Oh its so wicked and so damn sad how I sabotage myself. I should have brought those Oreo’s to work. *sigh* Which brings up the diet issue.. I have so many …

I just wish I could fix this…once and for all. Fix it and move on. Just like that picture I couldn’t steal past the java script. I figured it out and it’s on my desktop now. If only life was like a computer program you crack.

Oh man…husband just called me and says he’s in court at a hearing we knew nothing about but his prior attorney called and told him to go. Now it looks like he’s gonna have another felony on his record….long story…but it’s all about Webster breaking his leg..bad vet’s etc….*sigh* it’s always something. ….always….FUCK!

There’s tons of songs about lying. That’s sad.

-PoeticaL


I've lied for a stolen moment
I've lied for one more clue
I've lied about most everything
But I never lied to you
-Elton John

I'll give my life a different way
Refuse to let myself become a victim
Getting caught you in a vicious web of lies, they can hurt you
And destroy you, you watch out for lies, just a devil in disguise
-en vogue

You are haunting my reality
Now everytime I think about you I die
Now everytime I think about you I die
Lies
-Stabbing Westward
10:55 a.m. ::
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