sunday bloody someday
Sunday, Jan. 05, 2003
I vacillate between complete despair and a total desire to just not have to deal with anything that has become my life, and wanting to just bail on it all and start all over again with a new name and a new face and a new life.
It�s hard to take an evaluation of your life because it�s forced upon you. I know that I can�t live like I have been living, but where to turn, where to go, how to change it all from the ruins of nothing.
I have little money, an ok job, a child to provide for, and a husband that is unreliable in any capacity.
They say that for every loss there is a gain and that time will be my friend.
Last night I watched a tornado show on dateline NBC and from that show I gained the knowledge that even after disaster there is a future. That from every destruction there is a re-growth.
I have lost 15 lbs and I�m not so happy about it.
Life is supposed to be about tying your happy thoughts and moments together. Not about this�.this jumping from one sad rock to another�.
I miss my son�.
I miss all the ideas I had at one point over ten years ago about how it was all going to be�
I am depressed; sad�dealing alone�and to those that have tried to talk to me�I�m sorry I cannot be what you want me to be.
