cluttering the net since 2001

swamp ass

Wednesday, Oct. 09, 2002
I could write about my co-workers for hours. I could talk about them for hours. I could explain each one of them in detail, but all I have to say is that they all escaped the mental ward.

I have talked about Unger a lot before because he and I have been here together the longest of most everyone.

But there is

Me (I am the smartest most importat Unger, Scott, Daniel, Steve (who is really Tim but Steve is his stage name on the phones) and Keith who takes the most of the crap that gets dished out.

This place has a major problem with pranks. Meaning, the pranks are increasingly getting major. First it was “hide something” from someone. This became known as hostaging. This irritates most people. This was minor. If you hostaged something from someone then they had fair game of course to hostage items from you. This went on for a few months. I hostaged Unger’s metal thingie

Now we have progressed onto “ass swamping”. What is ass swamping you say? This is the practice of swamping asses of course! ;-) This is where you pour water into a co-workers pleather’esque chair and wait for the sittage to occur.

This morning I was a victim of the ass swamping. Grrrrrrr So after the H2O assailants went to lunch, I attacked the main criminal Unger by reverting back to my hand lotion attack methods from long ago. I slathered a nice chunky layer of hand lotion all over his monitor, the win-fax monitor he needs behind him, the arms of his chair, the keyboard, the keypad to his phone, his calculator, his headset, his handheld phone, his voice recorder ….and well you see the point.

Then I lay in wait….at my own desk suppressing giggles. He walked in and sat down carrying his food loot for lunch eating. He sat down and saw his screen first. The slight pink lotion hangin’ like hand snot all over his pc. He grumbled…. “there’s female orgasm on my pc” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Of course, I’m sure I’m in for a world of hell now….

Tonight I am chopping onions in my food processor and um then I’m going to… oh boy I can’t wait…

The bad thing is Scott’s mad at me too. I lotioned his mouse and he’s freaking out big time. He’s so into the pranks that he bought a dart gun and he keeps shooting me in the head with his fake plastic bullets.

And it’s another day at work… I am taking any and all suggestions for harmless yet highly annoying and disturbing pranks via my guestbook. Spanks!


Added 2:26 p.m.

OMG my coworker Keith just took an entire bottle of hand soap and soaped up the pussy car windows and then didn’t tell me until it was all dried and baked in the sun!!! Then while I was outside spraying it all off with a hose and my hand…they sabotaged my desk with a giant bottle of hand lotion. There was not one glass of water in my chair but enough water for a small child to take a bath in.


Work is fun today. I gotta go scrub my desk now…oh shit they greased my pen too! grrr…
2:08 p.m. ::
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