talking to husband
Saturday, Sept. 14, 2002
11:40 p.m.last night�
t: morning
t: ok
t: maybe later
he came front and I missed him.
Where was I? Talking to husband, crying�talking�.wondering why we can�t get it together but we can still every now and then feel that close. I just don�t understand it.
I believe he is ill. I believe something's wrong with his muscles, nervous system or something...I touched his legs and arms tonight�he showed me what�s going on. I apologized for my brutal bitchy �why did you waste $60 on stupid doctors that never tell you anything?� that I said last week in rage. I mean really, what kind of bitch am I?
Husband told me tonight that I am a �drama queen� he then proceeded to explain to me how I need chaos because its all I knew growing up and why now I spend so much time online�its all pure chaos.
Scary.
The saddest thing to me is that I do truly love him�. I always have. I probably always will. We just have endured so much with each other, at the hands of each other, and for so long we were all we had.
I don�t know mostly what�s going to happen. I just don�t think the hate will ever be the thing that outlasts every other emotion.
I really wish he was like this every night...we'd be madly "in" love.
-PoeticaL