PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

talking to husband

Saturday, Sept. 14, 2002
11:40 p.m.last night…

t: morning
t: ok
t: maybe later

he came front and I missed him.

Where was I? Talking to husband, crying…talking….wondering why we can’t get it together but we can still every now and then feel that close. I just don’t understand it.

I believe he is ill. I believe something's wrong with his muscles, nervous system or something...I touched his legs and arms tonight…he showed me what’s going on. I apologized for my brutal bitchy “why did you waste $60 on stupid doctors that never tell you anything?” that I said last week in rage. I mean really, what kind of bitch am I?

Husband told me tonight that I am a “drama queen” he then proceeded to explain to me how I need chaos because its all I knew growing up and why now I spend so much time online…its all pure chaos.

Scary.

The saddest thing to me is that I do truly love him…. I always have. I probably always will. We just have endured so much with each other, at the hands of each other, and for so long we were all we had.

I don’t know mostly what’s going to happen. I just don’t think the hate will ever be the thing that outlasts every other emotion.

I really wish he was like this every night...we'd be madly "in" love.

-PoeticaL
12:41 a.m. ::
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