cluttering the net since 2001

trading lives

Saturday, Sept. 28, 2002
Today we looked for a different car. Husband will be trading in his Mustang that he just got. He can no longer tolerate the effort necessary to shift the car. He needs an automatic. This will be the first time in his 37 years of existence that he drives a car without a gear shift. When we went to the car dealership to explain the problem and ask if it was possible to trade back or trade even somehow due to his disorder, the man behind the desk…his face went white. He replied, “I think there is no reason why we cannot.”

I stood at the doorway watching husband shuffle through the car lot. “Bucky” running around saying “look at this one dad”, “look at that one dad”.

The idea came to my mind…I have to get some film for my camera and take some pictures of them together. Someday walking might be a memory. While I want to believe this will not happen, I am sure that others have wanted that belief too.

He took Bucky bowling tonight. He said, “I want to do everything I can for him while I can do everything.”

I watched them walk out to the car. I am now typing this.

Regardless of the past. Regardless of the mistakes, the pain, the heartaches. I am human. And being human…this… Watching this…hurts.

I am going to go get in my car, shift the gears like a man person, take the T-tops off and selfishly be grateful that I can drive. I'm thinking the tears will disappear in the wind.

8:08 p.m. ::
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