PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

stop telling me its a train wreck when my thigh is stuck in the tracks dying, I already know

Sunday, Sept. 01, 2002
I have a few things to say right now.

1. Husbands cell phone literally has water droplets under the cover right now.

2. He did call but it never connected or caused my phone to beep with a voice mail but when I called my voice mail there was a message from him at 8 p.m. It just didnít cause the envelope icon to light up.

3. I went to therapy for a year and a half. I went. I went. I went. I would go now. Would anyone care to pay for it? YeahÖ. Didnít think soÖ

4. I hate my in-laws for enough reasons that if I wrote them all Iíd be here all day. The biggest one being, they refused to even tell me that my son was alive 2 years ago.

Jesus Christ quit judging a situation you know bits and pieces at best about. And fine Ödonít read it if you canít handle reality.

Let me talk about train wrecks.
My life might be a train wreck right now
But Iím a girl
A girl with feelings
A heart
Scars
Flesh
I donít need anyone coming around
Just to judge my bleeding limbs
Iím not a tree with more than I need
Iím losing enough
You donít have to try to make me lose me
Iím not perfect
Iím in a mess
You donít know about
And this is
This is my place
My way
My only retreat
And I donít treat anyone
With that much jarred up judging

This is the stuff that makes me so fucking grateful for people that are there for me this is the reason that in the morning hours before dawn I drove to in the dark crying to the cd player just to tape a card that said, "thanks for reminding me how it feels to laugh" on his door.

This is why Iím always the better friend to people. Because people just come stick me with shit when Iím barely holding on.

Maybe soon Iíll write entries like thisÖ.

I went and bought some lasagna and right now Iím sitting waiting for it to warm up in the oven. I canít wait for that gooey cheese.

Iíve never been that girl, so maybe soon I wonít write at all.

-PoeticaL
3:54 p.m. ::
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