cluttering the net since 2001

waiting with you

Friday, Aug. 18, 2006
It’s after 1 a.m. I am not depressive. I took a long nap this afternoon. It was well deserved.

Over the course of the last several weeks I have felt more love than hate. I have been hugged more, kissed more, etc. I have been on the receiving end of random acts of kindness, smiles and happy go lucky emails and messages of hope and strength. I have cried, laughed, sat in contemplation and literally been moved to a different plane of personal understanding about who and what I am made of. I’m stronger than I ever thought. I love more than I ever have before and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life, save for the day I had my son, the day I got divorced and the day I married Rick…I must clarify!

The last several weeks have been full of trepidation, stress, insecurity, questioning and disbelief and re-evaluation and waiting….lots and lots of waiting.

I went to the doctor today and Rick went with me. I am apt to want to tell anyone that the waiting is the hardest part…(but I break into singing Tom Petty songs then…)

The doctor said these things that stay with me.

1. the test for cancer protein indicators….negative
2. I do unequivocally have PCOS, a very very bad case of it too
3. my right ovary is history, Oliver must be removed
4. chances high that it is a dermoid cyst
5. may still find something when doing operation
6. one ovary can still make a baby
7. will do hormone repair medications, etc
8. diabetic medications will assist and make losing weight doable
9. take birth control for six months
10. then be put on Chlomid
11. did I mention?? WE CAN STILL have a baby!!!

So there is still an operation…still some inability to be sure until the doctor gets in there and sees. The doctor I am seeing is a specialist and is a surgeon and I think he rocks. He manages to make me laugh when I’m at my most stressed. And his name is Romeo….you just can’t ask for more.

And truly in the end…it is the fact that waiting is hard….going through this has been hard….but for the first time in my life I am not alone…I love you honey and I am so much better because I love you so…

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1:49 a.m. ::
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