PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

when I'm happy

Monday, Oct. 04, 2004
When Im deliriously happy I find it difficult to write. I find it difficult to find anything to write. The sky looks extra blue today and I ate Taco Bell for lunch. Two things that arent even remotely interesting. Yesterday I did so much that Im still proud of myself for accomplishing so very much in such a short period of time. This morning the construction job..those three hours flew by incredibly fast and now Im at the U and Im incredibly bored out of my skull. I had another company contact me randomly over the weekend making an amazing offer of a daylight hours only job paying very well and now Im struggling because Id love to be able to come home at a normal hour and make dinner for R. since hes working seriously longer hours than even I am right now. I want to come home and labor in the kitchen for this man. That says way more about how much I love him than anything else I could even begin to type. Ill admit that months ago I resisted anything and everything having to do with domesticity. I was dead set against it. As if something in my head determined that I wasnt going to get married again that all men would dick me over, etc. And nowIm wanting to fold his boxers again and pick up his dirty balled up socks. I cant even explain it. Im just happy. Im so happy that a long day at work is just a thing and not something to change my entire mood.

But this other job offer would mean quitting college, going to another community college by taking out loans on my ownwhereby right now my college is free to me via my employer. I dunno. Im torn between wanting a life and wanting an education and sacrifices and my son and my man and .heck half the time I even feel guilty about not having time with Chloeand naturally with my son..thatd be a blessing right about now.

SeeI cant write worth shit..when Im happyyyyyyy

-PoeticaL
2:35 p.m. ::
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