when I'm happy

When I�m deliriously happy I find it difficult to write. I find it difficult to find anything to write. The sky looks extra blue today and I ate Taco Bell for lunch. Two things that aren�t even remotely interesting. Yesterday I did so much that I�m still proud of myself for accomplishing so very much in such a short period of time. This morning the construction job..those three hours flew by incredibly fast and now I�m at the U and I�m incredibly bored out of my skull. I had another company contact me randomly over the weekend making an amazing offer of a daylight hour�s only job paying very well and now I�m struggling because I�d love to be able to come home at a normal hour and make dinner for R. since he�s working seriously longer hours than even I am right now. I want to come home and labor in the kitchen for this man. That says way more about how much I love him than anything else I could even begin to type. I�ll admit that months ago I resisted anything and everything having to do with domesticity. I was dead set against it. As if something in my head determined that I wasn�t going to get married again that all men would dick me over, etc. And now�I�m wanting to fold his boxers again and pick up his dirty balled up socks. I can�t even explain it. I�m just happy. I�m so happy that a long day at work is just a thing and not something to change my entire mood.

But this other job offer would mean quitting college, going to another community college by taking out loans on my own�whereby right now my college is free to me via my employer. I dunno�. I�m torn between wanting a life and wanting an education and sacrifices and my son and my man and �.heck half the time I even feel guilty about not having time with Chloe�and naturally with my son..that�d be a blessing right about now�.

See�I can�t write worth shit..when I�m happyyyyyyy

-PoeticaL