where have i been? where am I now? where did I go?
Thursday, Oct. 02, 2003
yeah so i haven't been around these parts in ages and ages it
would appear. i don't feel like writing analytical nor punctually correct.
i'm busy but then again i'm really not. it feels as though life might never
be normal again. there are things that have angered me, hurt me deeply, things
i used to tend to hang onto and now i am in awe that i am simply blowing
these same sorts of things off.
i'm working of course, the job is going ok i suppose. i do not like working so far away from home, but then again, it's ok i guess. i'm home alone right now. rick is over at his brother's house. he made dinner and it greeted me when i got home. i've been spending my time as always, at work, at home, sleepy, stressed, i'm not seeing the shrink lately because i can't afford to.
there are things i could say here. stories i could elaborate on. all sorts of thoughts, but somehow it just doesn't seem important to me to document and rant and rave much anymore.
everytime i see my son, his clothes are stained. this bothers me. he looks sometimes like those kids i used to see that looked as if they were on welfare. soap is so cheap. i want to call that whore who washes his clothes and scream loudly into the phone "tide with bleach you dumbass!" But I never do.
still taking anger mgt classes. still collecting alltell cellular past due bills. i'm bored already at the job, i wonder often what god intended my life to be like. i wonder less often about how to get what i want. it all seems too hard to attain at times.
people...are simply faces that change their emotions, one at a time. each crease a tale in itself.
tomorrow i'm taking the divorce class required by the state of fl to get a divorce, even though technically i am divorced already. tomorrow i'll sit in a room full of people who are just as dejected about life as i feel at times.
i wish rick was here so i wasn't thinking about this stuff. but he's not... and i am.
i hardly seem to move...life is so different.
