why?
Him: i want you to know im not mad at you
PoeticaL: i knew that already
PoeticaL: go to bed....don't sweat it...
Him: you know after that phone call it bugged me so much that i went and talked to matt about it
PoeticaL: ok
Him: and he agrees with me,
PoeticaL: good now you can get some sleep
Him: matt never agrees with me
Him: but tonite he did
PoeticaL: this is all pretty simple
PoeticaL: I want something you don't want. Case closed.
PoeticaL: go to bed
Him: im not the bad guy
PoeticaL: I never said you were.
Him: but i certainly feel like i am
PoeticaL: I can't help how you feel
PoeticaL: I don't think you're the bad guy
PoeticaL: life goes on
Him: yes it does
PoeticaL: ok....there's no problem
PoeticaL: go to sleep
Him: i know what time it is
PoeticaL: *shrugs* ok
PoeticaL: look this is what I see
PoeticaL: I love you and you don't love me back. That's life.
Him: i never met you
PoeticaL: and you don't want to
PoeticaL: that's also life
Him: i never said i dont ever want to meet you
PoeticaL: ok
Him: i said getting involve with you other than friends would be risky
PoeticaL: ok
PoeticaL: I told you I don't want anything so don't sweat it. Don't worry about it. Just forget about it.
Him: if it was the other way around youd see what i am saying
PoeticaL: maybe i do see
Him: what do you see
PoeticaL: i see kristy doing things to have the life she wants and "him" pushing her away in the meantime
PoeticaL: you don't want me to feel close to you...it can be arranged
PoeticaL: you're afraid to care about me because you think i'd get there and dump out on you
PoeticaL: i've never turned my back on you..never dumped out on you even though you do it to me all the time
PoeticaL: you have a right to do whatever it is you want
Him: it goes deeper than just you and me
PoeticaL: yes I'm aware of that too
Him: this is not your ideal sitation
PoeticaL: ok so maybe i just won't sign the lease tomorrow....I'll stay in this life......afterall thats' what's best for Bucky
Him: ok
PoeticaL: see?
Him: if thats what youwant
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: that's not what I want
PoeticaL: but it doesn't really fucking matter what I want now does it?
PoeticaL: just go to bed
PoeticaL: you have nothing to feel bad about so don't
Him: you know i havent gotten serious with someone for awhile now, and when i do its sure not going to be with someone in a hard situation where things could teeter totter either way
PoeticaL: I've never retreated.....
PoeticaL: you told me "kristy you can't have both worlds...its not right." so I picked and now you're telling me I still can't have.....
PoeticaL: I picked for me......what i wanted...
PoeticaL: for the first time ever
PoeticaL: and you're telling me its all wrong
Him: you are a mother who dearly loves her son who needs his mom ......case closed
PoeticaL: thanks for being another person to make my fucking decisions for me
PoeticaL: for taking away my right to choose
Him: the end result would be the same ..only difference would be i would regret it for allowing it when i knew it would happen all along
Him: you know what Matt agrees
PoeticaL: the end result would be the same as what?
Him: nobody here but me for you, jobs dont pay much , youd be lonely and homesick and eventually down and want to leave
PoeticaL: you do not know that
Him: yes i do
PoeticaL: I believe you're pushing me away because of your own issues
Him: my gut feeling tells me so
Him: no my issues are delt with
Him: see i have no kid no other responsibility
Him: i can easily move
Him: my family remains in ND
Him: only thing changes is where i live
PoeticaL: listen.....you owe me no explaination
PoeticaL: you've decided for me
PoeticaL: period end of it
Him: no i decided for myself
PoeticaL: thats fine
Him: its the same with anything
Him: if you dont like the deal you dont have to buy it
PoeticaL: why the need to go through this again?
PoeticaL: go to bed
PoeticaL: forget about it
Him: you get to bed 2
PoeticaL: no
Him: you work tom?
PoeticaL: you already think you can decide things for me....tell me how I'll feel....you can't tell me what to do
Him: you think im so fucken dumb
PoeticaL: I do not
PoeticaL: I never said that
Him: i know how things would go
Him: i know it
PoeticaL: you think you know it
Him: and damn it you know it too
PoeticaL: you think you know everything
Him: no only the things i talk about
PoeticaL: if your so sure your right then why are you here arguing with me?
PoeticaL: i let it go
PoeticaL: you have every right to decide for yourself
PoeticaL: just quit telling me how I feel or how I would feel or how it would be
Him: i dont want you mad at me
PoeticaL: cause you don't know
PoeticaL: maybe that's just too fucking bad
PoeticaL: maybe you can't have what you want either
Him: maybe not
Him: maybe i havent found it
Him: yet
PoeticaL: you drag me so far down a certain path then you turn your back on me
Him: no i did not
Him: your alot farther than you ever were
Him: youre alot smarter too
PoeticaL: no I'm not
PoeticaL: i let myself care about you and all it got me was hurt all over again
PoeticaL: fuck it
PoeticaL: I don't need this shit
PoeticaL: I don't need to care about anyone
Him: i told you not too
Him: we agreed just friends
Him: thats what we fucken agreed on
Him: you cant ever stay on your side of the line
PoeticaL: and less than two weeks ago you came to me and said I can't have it both ways
PoeticaL: I picked
PoeticaL: I picked
Him: ya well things arent ideal right now
PoeticaL: and I did everything I had to do to make it very clear to everyone
PoeticaL: right when I pick you push me away
PoeticaL: right when I have enough faith in myself and what I want
PoeticaL: you push me away
PoeticaL: fuck faith
Him: i dont want you to leave your son
PoeticaL: fuck this
PoeticaL: I didn't ask you to want that
Him: i know how much you love your son
PoeticaL: thats my choise
PoeticaL: choice
PoeticaL: my choice
PoeticaL: my choice
Him: and i know if something happen which easily could youd have to go back
Him: things are not established yet
PoeticaL: listen
PoeticaL: this is real easy
Him: too unstable of a situation
PoeticaL: go to bed
PoeticaL: fuck it
Him: im going
PoeticaL: don't worry abou tit
PoeticaL: about it
PoeticaL: fuck it all
PoeticaL: fuck it
Him: you get to bed 2
PoeticaL: no
PoeticaL: you can't tell me what to do
Him: ditto
PoeticaL: this is my life
PoeticaL: I'm not telling you what to do
Him: please go live it
PoeticaL: you're telling me
PoeticaL: fine
Him: im going to bed
PoeticaL: talk about Brain fucking
Him: no way
Him: i just helped you
Him: i never i love you
Him: you cant show me letters i sent saying that
Him: you brain fucked yourself
Him: you cross the line
PoeticaL: I know you don't
Him: and you know you werent supposed too
Him: i do not love you
Him: i do not know you personally
Him: we never met
Him: internet is shit
Him: you cant feel for anyone over the internet
Him: its all wrong your wrong
Him: you abused it you lied to me from the start
PoeticaL: oh geez now we're back to that
PoeticaL: you don't need excuses to not care about me
PoeticaL: you're allowed to not care
Him: you only read the last line
PoeticaL: you don't need reasons
PoeticaL: i did not
PoeticaL: I read it all
Him: just stay in fl live happy be with your son
PoeticaL: don't tell me what to do
Him: well im going to live my life
PoeticaL: I'll go where I want when I want and do exactly what I want to do
PoeticaL: fine
PoeticaL: whatever
Him: without worrying about yours
PoeticaL: fine
PoeticaL: you do that
Him: good nite
Him signed off at 12:29:45 AM.