PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

why?

Wednesday, Feb. 27, 2002
Sickening…..



Him: i want you to know im not mad at you

PoeticaL: i knew that already

PoeticaL: go to bed....don't sweat it...

Him: you know after that phone call it bugged me so much that i went and talked to matt about it

PoeticaL: ok

Him: and he agrees with me,

PoeticaL: good now you can get some sleep

Him: matt never agrees with me

Him: but tonite he did

PoeticaL: this is all pretty simple

PoeticaL: I want something you don't want. Case closed.

PoeticaL: go to bed

Him: im not the bad guy

PoeticaL: I never said you were.

Him: but i certainly feel like i am

PoeticaL: I can't help how you feel

PoeticaL: I don't think you're the bad guy

PoeticaL: life goes on

Him: yes it does

PoeticaL: ok....there's no problem

PoeticaL: go to sleep

Him: i know what time it is

PoeticaL: *shrugs* ok

PoeticaL: look this is what I see

PoeticaL: I love you and you don't love me back. That's life.

Him: i never met you

PoeticaL: and you don't want to

PoeticaL: that's also life

Him: i never said i dont ever want to meet you

PoeticaL: ok

Him: i said getting involve with you other than friends would be risky

PoeticaL: ok

PoeticaL: I told you I don't want anything so don't sweat it. Don't worry about it. Just forget about it.

Him: if it was the other way around youd see what i am saying

PoeticaL: maybe i do see

Him: what do you see

PoeticaL: i see kristy doing things to have the life she wants and "him" pushing her away in the meantime

PoeticaL: you don't want me to feel close to you...it can be arranged

PoeticaL: you're afraid to care about me because you think i'd get there and dump out on you

PoeticaL: i've never turned my back on you..never dumped out on you even though you do it to me all the time

PoeticaL: you have a right to do whatever it is you want

Him: it goes deeper than just you and me

PoeticaL: yes I'm aware of that too

Him: this is not your ideal sitation

PoeticaL: ok so maybe i just won't sign the lease tomorrow....I'll stay in this life......afterall thats' what's best for Bucky

Him: ok

PoeticaL: see?

Him: if thats what youwant

PoeticaL: nope

PoeticaL: that's not what I want

PoeticaL: but it doesn't really fucking matter what I want now does it?

PoeticaL: just go to bed

PoeticaL: you have nothing to feel bad about so don't

Him: you know i havent gotten serious with someone for awhile now, and when i do its sure not going to be with someone in a hard situation where things could teeter totter either way

PoeticaL: I've never retreated.....

PoeticaL: you told me "kristy you can't have both worlds...its not right." so I picked and now you're telling me I still can't have.....

PoeticaL: I picked for me......what i wanted...

PoeticaL: for the first time ever

PoeticaL: and you're telling me its all wrong

Him: you are a mother who dearly loves her son who needs his mom ......case closed

PoeticaL: thanks for being another person to make my fucking decisions for me

PoeticaL: for taking away my right to choose

Him: the end result would be the same ..only difference would be i would regret it for allowing it when i knew it would happen all along

Him: you know what Matt agrees

PoeticaL: the end result would be the same as what?

Him: nobody here but me for you, jobs dont pay much , youd be lonely and homesick and eventually down and want to leave

PoeticaL: you do not know that

Him: yes i do

PoeticaL: I believe you're pushing me away because of your own issues

Him: my gut feeling tells me so

Him: no my issues are delt with

Him: see i have no kid no other responsibility

Him: i can easily move

Him: my family remains in ND

Him: only thing changes is where i live

PoeticaL: listen.....you owe me no explaination

PoeticaL: you've decided for me

PoeticaL: period end of it

Him: no i decided for myself

PoeticaL: thats fine

Him: its the same with anything

Him: if you dont like the deal you dont have to buy it

PoeticaL: why the need to go through this again?

PoeticaL: go to bed

PoeticaL: forget about it

Him: you get to bed 2

PoeticaL: no

Him: you work tom?

PoeticaL: you already think you can decide things for me....tell me how I'll feel....you can't tell me what to do

Him: you think im so fucken dumb

PoeticaL: I do not

PoeticaL: I never said that

Him: i know how things would go

Him: i know it

PoeticaL: you think you know it

Him: and damn it you know it too

PoeticaL: you think you know everything

Him: no only the things i talk about

PoeticaL: if your so sure your right then why are you here arguing with me?

PoeticaL: i let it go

PoeticaL: you have every right to decide for yourself

PoeticaL: just quit telling me how I feel or how I would feel or how it would be

Him: i dont want you mad at me

PoeticaL: cause you don't know

PoeticaL: maybe that's just too fucking bad

PoeticaL: maybe you can't have what you want either

Him: maybe not

Him: maybe i havent found it

Him: yet

PoeticaL: you drag me so far down a certain path then you turn your back on me

Him: no i did not

Him: your alot farther than you ever were

Him: youre alot smarter too

PoeticaL: no I'm not

PoeticaL: i let myself care about you and all it got me was hurt all over again

PoeticaL: fuck it

PoeticaL: I don't need this shit

PoeticaL: I don't need to care about anyone

Him: i told you not too

Him: we agreed just friends

Him: thats what we fucken agreed on

Him: you cant ever stay on your side of the line

PoeticaL: and less than two weeks ago you came to me and said I can't have it both ways

PoeticaL: I picked

PoeticaL: I picked

Him: ya well things arent ideal right now

PoeticaL: and I did everything I had to do to make it very clear to everyone

PoeticaL: right when I pick you push me away

PoeticaL: right when I have enough faith in myself and what I want

PoeticaL: you push me away

PoeticaL: fuck faith

Him: i dont want you to leave your son

PoeticaL: fuck this

PoeticaL: I didn't ask you to want that

Him: i know how much you love your son

PoeticaL: thats my choise

PoeticaL: choice

PoeticaL: my choice

PoeticaL: my choice

Him: and i know if something happen which easily could youd have to go back

Him: things are not established yet

PoeticaL: listen

PoeticaL: this is real easy

Him: too unstable of a situation

PoeticaL: go to bed

PoeticaL: fuck it

Him: im going

PoeticaL: don't worry abou tit

PoeticaL: about it

PoeticaL: fuck it all

PoeticaL: fuck it

Him: you get to bed 2

PoeticaL: no

PoeticaL: you can't tell me what to do

Him: ditto

PoeticaL: this is my life

PoeticaL: I'm not telling you what to do

Him: please go live it

PoeticaL: you're telling me

PoeticaL: fine

Him: im going to bed

PoeticaL: talk about Brain fucking

Him: no way

Him: i just helped you

Him: i never i love you

Him: you cant show me letters i sent saying that

Him: you brain fucked yourself

Him: you cross the line

PoeticaL: I know you don't

Him: and you know you werent supposed too

Him: i do not love you

Him: i do not know you personally

Him: we never met

Him: internet is shit

Him: you cant feel for anyone over the internet

Him: its all wrong your wrong

Him: you abused it you lied to me from the start

PoeticaL: oh geez now we're back to that

PoeticaL: you don't need excuses to not care about me

PoeticaL: you're allowed to not care

Him: you only read the last line

PoeticaL: you don't need reasons

PoeticaL: i did not

PoeticaL: I read it all

Him: just stay in fl live happy be with your son

PoeticaL: don't tell me what to do

Him: well im going to live my life

PoeticaL: I'll go where I want when I want and do exactly what I want to do

PoeticaL: fine

PoeticaL: whatever

Him: without worrying about yours

PoeticaL: fine

PoeticaL: you do that

Him: good nite

Him signed off at 12:29:45 AM.

12:33 a.m. ::
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