I want my Internet back!� I want to be able to surf for hours and numb my mind.� When I don�t have the net at home, here�s what I do in no particular order.

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1. sleep
2. read
3. clean
4. organize
5. talk on my cell phone too much
6. laundry
7. dishes (I do 6 & 7 even when I have the net�I am just far more efficient when I don�t�)
8. watch TV (this is desperation for me�the only show I really dig is �Cheaters��I can relate to shows loosely based on my own life)
9. chew too much SOBE power gum� (what�s in that stuff? It�s addicting!!)
10. Organize and reorganize and struggle to organize my poetry (can someone please invent a software program for this?� Something that allows me to add a poem into a database that will date it and keep it in alphabetical order by title and then let me search for it via a thread of words�)

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But tonight I�m supposed to have it back so I can catch up on all my daily reading requirements.� I�m so behind I�ll have hours of catch up to do.� Isn�t it a sick world when I have to catch up on nothing stuff that I do everyday?

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I mostly miss amazon.com�� I never realized how often I go there�til now.

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The other thing that boggles my mind is that I can�t write much of anything without my pc working to it�s full capacity.

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The only good thing about not having net service was that 3 hour phone conversation last night.� It�s so much nicer to talk and hear �him� breathing rather than seeing text fly up on my screen every time I assume his silence means he got wrapped up in something else.�

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Last night he sang a song online like normal only this time he set his phone down on his desk and I heard him and it was just different than hearing it over my pc headset.�

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Today I�m rambling on about nothing stuff. I�m in a great mood, cricked neck and all.� I�m just happy inside.� I don�t know how long it�ll last so I�m wearing bright colors, new shoes and happiness.� I know it�s goofy but it just matters to me that when we were talking about selfishness (cause some random girl online told him he was selfish because he wouldn�t sit and entertain her) I accused him of caring about no one but himself because he spends all of his time doing the following

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1. listening to self� help tapes about sales, etc,
2. exercising on his two machines
3. reading business books
4. taking a business class online
5. teaching his bird, Anthony to talk
6. working
7. working
8. working
9. various other things�..

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all of which can be linked back to his interest in �self�.� When I said, �You�re as selfish as they come!� and then said, �what else do you care about that isn�t about you?� while laughing and teasing him. �He replied, �my mom...and�you�

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I rank up there with the mom?� Woah.� She�s far up there.� If you only knew�.

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I dunno.� Sometimes I think he�s the most different person I�ve ever met.� Sometimes I wish I was more like him.� Other times I�m just glad that I am lucky enough to know him.

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A man that calls you to leave a message like this�

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�I want to let you know that I don�t have my cell phone for the next two days, I�m donating it to the girls at the office and they�re leaving my number as an emergency number��

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is a good guy.� I mean I spent 10 years trying to get that sort of consideration from a man.� It never happened.� When I got this message it brought a single tear to my eye.

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So maybe I�m whacked out of my mind.� Maybe I�m lame for caring about something so small.� But I do.� It�s the small stuff in life..isn�t it?� Maybe I just have a smile on my face today and only I really know why.� He�s a secret that I never talk about �.�cept here.� This is my diary after all.

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Ok�I think that�s enough!

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