Before... - poem
Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2002
Before�.
All you do is confuse me
I find my path
Head always down
Staring at the perfect lines
On the road ahead
Your directions
Just abuse me
I�m going somewhere
Away from nowhere
And then there you are
ROADBLOCK!!!
And my map scorches
My hands
Through my bloody chest
My heart seeps its beat
A lame bird
Flying away
Somehow�sitting
On your wire
I lost my flock
And I am lost, true
Inside the �without you�
Lost even with you
I�ve lost me too
For I doubt you
My lines are squiggly
Despite and in spite of you
With my wings I just want
To fly far away from this sky blue
This time I�m turning
About face
This time it is me
Strongly standing
But do you see?
I am not the one
That you will gallantly
Erase
You
And all your brutal lines
That deface me
I will run from every
Chase called you
You, who don�t deserve me
Or preserve to be
Anything worth touching
Or entrusting
My heart to
I now see
I will surely miss you
Those moments that made
The two that was �us� smile through
But you bent those
Around something else
That happened more
Than pain usually should do
Something sad
And cruel
Something
I�ve had too much
Of
And not enough of
You�
Have I had
Please I have had
Surely I have been
Sad �.so I�ve sadly had
Enough of you
Tears and years and
Tears and then some more
I�m tired of being a
Your emotional toy
Your plaything whore
I�ll write my novel
You�ll be the villain
I will write words around
Your neck, a lace to strangle you
Letters that entangle true
The ugliness that I hate about you
The hardcore brutal mess
That makes me hurt the way
You intend to do
I�ll battle that
Inner fight
But in the end you will be
More wronged
Than I will ever be alright
I�m back
You�re forth
I want it all�
I don�t want your �nothing�
Anymore
I want a storybook love
That you were never cast for
Frame of insane
I crashed it to the floor
Shattered dreams in pieces
Nothing more
Leave me alone
I�ll find the me
That I was better at being
Before this
Before you
Long before�
Everything that you
Fucking do to me
I want it to be
What it was before you
Before I could see
Before just before�.
When I was enough
Being me
-PoeticaL
2/19/02