PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

ahhh weekend....

Monday, Apr. 08, 2002


I just had a very nice weekend. Friday night we went out to dinner as a family. We went to Hops and I had my favorite meal. Gold Coast Pasta. Mmmmmm yummy. We ate outside and �Bucky� read his Pokemon magazine the entire time. It�s awesome to see him finally showing an interest in reading. It makes a Mommy feel good.

Saturday we went and did the miniature golf thing. Let me just say I�m glad I�m a girl cause I suck at getting that damn thing in such a small hole. Husband won, �Bucky� came in second and I lost�yes I lost. Grrr.. But as a consolation prize I got to feed the baby alligators. Gross creatures�.that ate this square red stuff. I have no idea what it was either.

I have gotten 3 or 4 emails from my friend BraN in England. He doesn�t know yet that I moved back in with husband. I have a feeling it�s going to hurt him. He was so happy when I moved out. He was calling me every other night talking to me about coming to England. He really wanted me to go see him. I really wanted to go see him too. It�s just so damned expensive to go to England that its something I would have to save and plan for for a long long time. And well..now with the turn of events�.

I just don�t know how to tell him. He�s been trying to call me at a phone number that isn�t any good anymore but hasn�t been turned off yet. Very sad� I�m such a total shit for not telling him. But I don�t have Internet service at home yet and haven�t really had the chance to sit down and think it through and do it. I have been avoiding it. I just don�t know how to tell him. SO I just haven�t. I got this email from him today..
From: BrandoN
To: [email protected]
Subject: oi�.what ya doing?
Date: Sat, 06 Apr 2002 19:27:23 +0100


Kristy,

I've tried calling u numerous times even emailing you more these days but you seem scarily busy...whats up?

BraN

*sigh*� I wish I was scarily busy�I�m just scarily scared to tell him cause I don�t want to hurt anyone�s feelings.

Onto something else�.I finished reading Miracle Man by Ben Schrank last night and plan to start reading The Lies That Bind by Edward Deangelo. A book I bought on Saturday afternoon at the big Barnes and Noble in Clearwater. We drove up there to do the miniature golf thing and then we went and did some shopping. I got some new sandals and some new socks and some Chai tea. �Bucky� got the kewlest little money bank that looks like and works like an ATM machine. Way kewl. Oh and the husband got two new pairs of shorts and he bought a blue Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt. He bought size medium and never tried it on. Well it fit him�but just fit. So I told �Bucky� to try it on. And guess what�it fit him pretty good so he got a new shirt! He wore it to school today with his big baggy shorts I got him and he looked so cute as I watched him walk away to the school. I need to get him some new sneakers soon. With kids, it�s always something.

I�m totally addicted to that Chai tea I bought already. It�s soooo good. If you�ve never had Chai tea, get some NOW!

Saturday night husband and I stayed up til almost 4 a.m. making love and talking. I bought new candleholders from Pier One for my apartment that I abandoned and they worked out so well for our bedroom. They give off this great moody light and he and I just lay around in bed for hours talking and being goofy just like we used to do a long long time ago. It felt awesome. I don�t know what happened to make us this way again. It seems like only shit things have happened between us for so long. But even throughout most of the shit that�s happened he and I always reverted back to each other. Now we�ve both figured out at the same time that what we truly want is each other. I love when things are like this between he and I.

Then yesterday he and �Bucky� went swimming and I stayed home and didn�t get a damn thing done. I just was stupid and picked up the phone and called �him�. Why I did this�.I don�t know. Why it matters�I don�t know. But the entire conversation consisted of me telling lie after lie to him and fabricating an entire life that isn�t happening. I really should write that fiction book because I sure as hell told him a lie and a half of a story. *sigh* I don�t even know why.

Husband saw that I was on the phone and later asked me who I was talking to. I told him "him". He said, �why?� I said, �I really don�t even know.� And that was that. Pathetic on my part. Makes me want to puke. But "he" was telling me about a future business venture and I asked him if he can talk to this so called Linda about his ventures. He said, �no, she�s interested but doesn�t have that kind of intelligence to discuss ideas and plans with me.� I said, �you can�t be with someone that can�t understand that part of who you are.� He said, �yes I can, different people serve different purposes in our lives.� �.Interesting�what purpose does he or has he ever served in my life? Funny, I can�t think of a fucking thing! But I called him�..

I watched �Lolita� this weekend. That guy had the same sort of obsession with her that I have with "him". Only "he" is old. I�m gonna get that book.

By the way, the egg will never hatch cause that website went under�.story of my life. My egg never hatches into a surprise, I just wait and wait and wait �believing something beautiful will happen�.*sigh*

One last thing, Josh�I don�t know if you still read my diary, but if you do �I miss you. I miss having our kind of conversations. I miss it a lot. And I haven�t forgotten all about you.

-PoeticaL

Tripping hard falling down onto the ground
Cause I can't stand up
And I can't fall down
Cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this
-Dishwalla
11:07 a.m. ::
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