PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

is "almost" deep enough?

Saturday, Jan. 05, 2002

Something happened last night that ..well a couple things happened. He called me upset about something. He came to me �needing� to talk. I told him I have something she will never have because he turned to me� I love that he did that. I just�.can�t even put that into words.

My son is safely in PA. Its sooo quiet I can hear a pin drop. I feel bad saying this but I don�t miss him yet. I am engulfed in what it must be like to be childless. I had him when I was fairly young and I never knew life could be so easy without children. Last night I took my new laptop to the bookstore and sat there drinking a fattening mochaberry and just contemplating life. It was nice. It was quiet. And not once did I hear �Mommy can I have this?� whilst holding an outrageously priced item. It was�.well maybe I do miss him. Well..but we cleaned up the house and it is staying that way. And I haven�t stepped on one pokemon plastic peoples yet! And his room�.it�s a decorators dream right now. Neat and tidy.

Haaaaaaaaa husband just got up and went over to the stereo and said �I think we need some music�. We just don�t know what the hell to do with all this silence. And �Live� �someone should take your microphone� fills the air�. Have I ever mentioned that he and I don�t so much have the same taste in music? I don�t mind most of what he really likes and he doesn�t mind most of what I like but we don�t like what the other likes first and foremost. Odd.

�He� listens to country music exclusively and only. I often wonder, when I have nothing else to think about like now, what he would do if I cranked up The Mat�s. He�d probably change it or tell me to put headphones on. I wonder. I�m going to ask him and get his �Internet Acceptable� answer. That�s a whole �nother entry. �Internet Acceptability!�

I read this really cool story this morning on Tod�s website today.

Comeback Special

And yes I refer to him as Tod because we�re now friends. He�s a great guy outside of the fack that I mentally drool on his writing ability. He�s nice and engaging and just fun to exchange email text with.

Ok there�s something I really want to address. Something deep based on a conversation I had last night where he said that she was �almost� what he wanted but he could never talk to her about anything deep. And I�m having this thought and Live just sang��Does he run deep enough to take you there?� Of course this sounds like sex. I think the way I choose to see it is �.can he take me to that place where I am only me. Can I express myself to the extent that I feel like me? I didn�t just explain that too well but it makes sense to me.

Last night I sat in my vehicle in a Walmart parking lot staring at the side of husbands truck wondering why he wasn�t answering his cell phone. When he came walking out carrying Tide and toilet paper I was rifling through his truck and he was saying �what are you doing?� I looked at him and replied thru tears �losing my mind because of all the bad memories.� He said �lets go get some margarita�s and forget�. It didn�t work. All I wanted to do was talk to �him� and tell him that all this �almost� doesn�t count.

And right now Live sings �Forever may not be long enough for our love�

PoeticaL

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for
-Brandy
3:48 p.m. ::
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