april showers.....(poems)
Wednesday, Apr. 10, 2002
April showers...
Uncertainty mocks me
Calling out my name
Twisting it in the wind
Limbs from old love�s seams
Ripping across the sky
It�s just trees
Weeping on pillows of dreams
Swinging in tears
That shadowed
Behind me for weeks
It�s been forever
And not long enough since
Asphalt dust
Chased down my
Happy tears of cheeks
Snaking across blue skies
Written
Clouded ink
Listening to smiling shudders
Of I love you�s
That my wicked memory
Must weep
Coursing through veins
Words licked out of dictionaries
Do you know what I mean
I mean
do you still know me?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you still feel
What we couldn�t be?
Do you see what I have seen?
Do you feel the shiver of
What might have been?
Ice chilled clear
So beautiful
I cry �til it�s gone
The warmth knows
It never was unique snow
Yet the liquid just keeps flowing on
While a pregnant pause
Is empty
�it doesn�t even show�
Fingers snaked out wide
Looking through webs of deceit
A lie is the friend of a friend
Who was the lover of a cheat
I�m writing a book for your eyes
Paper cutting the truth behind you
Watching everything die
Can�t you just understand that
When the good of the past
Is just an echo turned pain
And pain is for keeps
True love is too expensive
Too far�it is far too costly
And I�m opting out for
A love that is cheap!
(I never comment about my poetry, but feel like doing just that now. April showers is about the conversation I had with "him", have in the past have in the present crying in the April winds�..)
~~~~~
Chance
ears echo noise
and noise echoes through
stereos broken
silenced the song
that was you
a sing song will
bring along
something to hold
something new in you
runs back to the old
�won�t ever be lonely�
I kiss words
Dressed in memory
Til we become one
Search in the agony
For something
Something
Left just undone
What was it?
Something?
We had?
I mourn for
For..
It was just maybe�
All maybe
It was just �.
Maybe
A chance�
(Chance is about that feeling we all have when we think we�ve found the one thing that will complete us and then realize it was nothing but a flicker of a fire that was never really built.)
~~~~~~~~~~
pretty we
I�m sliding
Up against you
Naked remembering
Once how I knew
I had lost you
For a few more days
I want to play lets pretend
So I find you again
We can paint a picture
Of me
Standing against you
A photo of
We
Not just you there
And then me
Color by number
Take your time
Inside the lines
Ache to distract you
With love
So I can hide
Every shade of blue
(�Pretty we� is about my husband and I. I really want it to all be the thing�the thing that mends me, mends us. I want to start over and believe in all of it. I want to paint new and beautiful pictures�without the color of the past.)
~~~~~~~~~~
I once
I once wanted many
Once upon times
I once wrote plenty
Of danced upon rhymes
I once held you
Tight in my mind
I once felt you
Were all I had to find
I once knew
That I could speak free
I once talked truthful
And truly you accepted me
I once asked you
If you�d erase me from your time
I once held my breath
But you said I�d be your friend for all time�.
I once wanted to hug you
And just cry out all of my tears
I once recently realized
We have time�.forever is measured in years..
I once wiped a tear
Caused from the mere purity of you
I once upon a rhyme found you�
And I was the luckiest�its true
(�Once� is about and for a true friend who showers me in daisies when I cry and smiles when I smile. I love you MP and I always will! I once tried to write poetry�but since you�I believe that I can! I know�.too much repeat on this poem�but the fact is I once I once I once think you�re the best and I can�t just tell you once! )
~~~~~~~
I�ve never said this before, but if you read my diary, thank you. I know I have friends and foes out there and I don�t write for acceptance, but I accept that I have an audience of sorts and if you�re a part of it, thanks for taking a seat in my audience and thanks to Andrew for giving me a stage to play out my life on, without it I wouldn�t have a canvas that was as much fun to paint.
Can you tell it�s late and I�m saving this to disk to post tomorrow and I�ve had way too much caffeine and I�m getting all sappy? Well �it�s true!
-PoeticaL
P.S. Thanks Sandy....
