cluttering the net since 2001

big huge boring entry no one should read

Wednesday, Aug. 07, 2002
Tomorrow “Bucky” starts 4th grade. Where did all the time go? How did he get this old already? Every year I contemplate how quickly life is passing me by. How many days I have been unhappy. How many I have just watched go away.

Right now I am happy. I’m happy because …. I just am. All things seem possible when someone is there for you.

It’s strange to miss someone so soon after you’ve said goodbye.

Offline messages…. If he keeps talking about sex while I’m not getting sex I’m gonna go looking for sex and he’s too far away to give me sex.

t: I can't help it that you drive me insane...
t: with all kinds of thoughts about...
t: our hot bodies...
t: inter-twined...
t: breathless....

but it’s the way he talks about sex that drives me insane. There’s a difference between that porn type of sex talk and that erotic OMG drop stop verbalizing baby…kind of sex talk.

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought me a hamburger and now he's the only freak that will ever read an entry from 2002 so I deleted this section at his request!!

one other thing….i go on cam for josh and that bozo tells me I have bonjovi hair. Phhhft Oh and something else. I do this because I’m not keeping tons of chats on my computer. And I want to remember. I know it sucks for entertainment purposes of you the reader and I’m sorry. *shrugs* But it’s my diary. We save stuff that means nothing to anyone else. Rather like our movie stubs. Why do we keep those?

t: come here and give me some sugar baby
t: Which movie?
t: movie quote...come on
me: which movie?
me: um....
me: I dunno
me: you're gonna have to tell me
t: Army of Darkness---Evil Dead III
me: men....are.....grrrr
me: I've never seen that movie
me: i'd have to see it to know it
t: you should....
t: It is a classic
me: hmmmm
t: maybe we could watch it together?
me: awwww

me: we can't do this for 8 more months
me: can we?
t: why not..
me: we don't even talk about anything anymore
me: lol
t: we wont even make it inside before...
t: eeerrr.
t: yeah
me: ya think?
t: *shrugs*
me: ok its obvious that you're dillusional...i'm not all that baby
t: <----practice meditaion
t: nope
me: yup
t: you are all that
t: then some
t: plus a bag of chips...
me: must be all the sand over there...
me: clogging up ya mind
t: with just a hint of salsa dip

see if we keep doing that…I’m gonna become so sexually frustrated…but then there’s a part of me that’s just having so much fun I don’t care….I just don’t care to worry about anything.

t: boy do I ever wish I was a coffee cup right now
me: lol
t: lucky bastard
me: lol
t: what?
me: you
me: can't
me: think
me: about
me: anything
me: else
me: when
me: you
me: look
me: at
me: me
t: sure I can..
. me: like?
t: I thought about the cup
me: lol
me: nope
t: right
t: yep
me: horny dude in afghanistan finds half way decent girl to fill his fantasy quota
t: humpft
me: all gone
me: no more cuppie
t: you mean...
t: sexy girl
t: right
me: nope
me: nah
me: i'm telling ya the truth t
t: nod your head up and down
t: yep
me: i'm a chubby sad little housewife getting her kicks online
t: hamfp
me: lol
t: see I cant even spell humpft right anymore
me: i'm sexy neck up
me: neck down I'm a nightmare
t: humpft...
me: humpft nothing
t: do I need to repeat my self...
t: about being knee deep?

t: hey..
t: baby
me: what?
me: yes?
t: I gots to go...
me: ok
t: walk the monster
t: ok
me: ok
me: lol
me: don't drag him
t: right
t: I ll remember that
me: yeahhhhhhhhhhhh I made t crack up laughing
me: i saw it
t: humpft...
me: way kewl
me: lol
me: so much for stone cold faces!!!!

I just don’t get it. I don’t get what he sees in me. He stays up…doesn’t sleep. And then other people try to tell me “he’s bored.” Ok fine bored’s one thing. Never sleeping so you can talk to some girl….

t: but...babe.
.. me: yes?
t: I need to get going....
me: ok
t: I have to be back in to work in a few hours
me: are you staying up again just to talk to me?
me: grrrrrrrr
t: they are changing my shift back to days
me: don't do that t
me: you don't need to do that baby
t: why not do that?
me: because I don't want you to be tired all of the time
me: cause of me
me: we have tons of time to talk
t: hmpf
me: please
me: don't do that
me: anymore
me: please baby
t: ok
me: its sweet but... I feel bad
t: why
me: i know...you wanna talk to me too
me: but I want you to get your sleep
me: i'd rather stay up and talk to you whenever you're around
me: its bad enough that you're in afghanistan
me: don't lose sleep over me
t: :">
me: please baby
me: see look at you
me: you're tired baby
t: I get plenty of sleep
me: you need to sleep
me: grrrr
me: you wouldn't admit it to me anyways..
. me: so yeah ok like whatever
t: nope
me: sure I believe ya
t: see you know I get enough sleep
t: :)
me: t?
t: yes k?
me: i love you
t: I love you too baby
me: go sleep....please...
t: ok
me: please baby
t: ok
me: i'm not goin anywhere
me: you don't have to hope to talk to me
t: ok
me: i'll find a way always
me: we won't lose touch
me: ok?
t: but I do hope to talk to you
me: i know you do but I'll always come front baby
me: always
t: ok
me: cause I want to...
t: so I will see yah in a few?
me: now.... go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: me gonna get wiped for flooding
t: you trying to hypnotize me?
me: no
me: i'll do that when I can be with you
t: :">
me: g'night t
t: g'night
t: muah
me: xoxoxox
t: :x
t: I love you Kristy
t: buh bye
me: bye bye
me: i love you right front
me: now go....sleep
t: ok i am gone

Why do “t” and I say “right front” instead of “right back”. Because I told him everyone bails on me. He said, “I’ll never show you my back.” So when he walks away from his pc or has to walk the mile trek to the latrine he says “be right front…brf” As in be right in front of you soon. When he comes back he says “front!” And ya know…all my fears about this….and with him…its always like this the minute I log on…

t: :;-)
me: teehee
me: hiya
t: I miss you
t: I was starting to worry
me: awwww
me: no worrys

by the way if you read this far into my entry….and I know Brad..you never will..but if you do don’t be mad at me because I want to say something to you and to everyone that reads. When you called me today and said you were proud of me and that I was getting it together…that was the best. I got those few little tears that spring to your eyes. It was the best because you know me inside and out and for you to see things changing….it just was the best. To those that read…”he’s” a good guy. We just needed to be friends and that was all.

12:47 a.m. ::
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