big huge boring entry no one should read

Tomorrow �Bucky� starts 4th grade. Where did all the time go? How did he get this old already? Every year I contemplate how quickly life is passing me by. How many days I have been unhappy. How many I have just watched go away.

Right now I am happy. I�m happy because �. I just am. All things seem possible when someone is there for you.

It�s strange to miss someone so soon after you�ve said goodbye.

Offline messages�. If he keeps talking about sex while I�m not getting sex I�m gonna go looking for sex and he�s too far away to give me sex.

t: I can't help it that you drive me insane...
t: with all kinds of thoughts about...
t: our hot bodies...
t: inter-twined...
t: breathless....

but it�s the way he talks about sex that drives me insane. There�s a difference between that porn type of sex talk and that erotic OMG drop stop verbalizing baby�kind of sex talk.

Once upon a time there was this guy who bought me a hamburger and now he's the only freak that will ever read an entry from 2002 so I deleted this section at his request!!

one other thing�.i go on cam for josh and that bozo tells me I have bonjovi hair. Phhhft Oh and something else. I do this because I�m not keeping tons of chats on my computer. And I want to remember. I know it sucks for entertainment purposes of you the reader and I�m sorry. *shrugs* But it�s my diary. We save stuff that means nothing to anyone else. Rather like our movie stubs. Why do we keep those?

t: come here and give me some sugar baby
t: Which movie?
t: movie quote...come on
me: which movie?
me: um....
me: I dunno
me: you're gonna have to tell me
t: Army of Darkness---Evil Dead III
me: men....are.....grrrr
me: I've never seen that movie
me: i'd have to see it to know it
t: you should....
t: It is a classic
me: hmmmm
t: maybe we could watch it together?
me: awwww


me: we can't do this for 8 more months
me: can we?
t: why not..
me: we don't even talk about anything anymore
me: lol
t: we wont even make it inside before...
t: eeerrr.
t: yeah
me: ya think?
t: *shrugs*
me: ok its obvious that you're dillusional...i'm not all that baby
t: <----practice meditaion
t: nope
me: yup
t: you are all that
t: then some
t: plus a bag of chips...
me: must be all the sand over there...
me: clogging up ya mind
t: with just a hint of salsa dip


see if we keep doing that�I�m gonna become so sexually frustrated�but then there�s a part of me that�s just having so much fun I don�t care�.I just don�t care to worry about anything.

t: boy do I ever wish I was a coffee cup right now
me: lol
t: lucky bastard
me: lol
t: what?
me: you
me: can't
me: think
me: about
me: anything
me: else
me: when
me: you
me: look
me: at
me: me
t: sure I can..
. me: like?
t: I thought about the cup
me: lol
me: nope
t: right
t: yep
me: horny dude in afghanistan finds half way decent girl to fill his fantasy quota
t: humpft
me: all gone
me: no more cuppie
t: you mean...
t: sexy girl
t: right
me: nope
me: nah
me: i'm telling ya the truth t
t: nod your head up and down
t: yep
me: i'm a chubby sad little housewife getting her kicks online
t: hamfp
me: lol
t: see I cant even spell humpft right anymore
me: i'm sexy neck up
me: neck down I'm a nightmare
t: humpft...
me: humpft nothing
t: do I need to repeat my self...
t: about being knee deep?


t: hey..
t: baby
me: what?
me: yes?
t: I gots to go...
me: ok
t: walk the monster
t: ok
me: ok
me: lol
me: don't drag him
t: right
t: I ll remember that
me: yeahhhhhhhhhhhh I made t crack up laughing
me: i saw it
t: humpft...
me: way kewl
me: lol
me: so much for stone cold faces!!!!

I just don�t get it. I don�t get what he sees in me. He stays up�doesn�t sleep. And then other people try to tell me �he�s bored.� Ok fine bored�s one thing. Never sleeping so you can talk to some girl�.

t: but...babe.
.. me: yes?
t: I need to get going....
me: ok
t: I have to be back in to work in a few hours
me: are you staying up again just to talk to me?
me: grrrrrrrr
t: they are changing my shift back to days
me: don't do that t
me: you don't need to do that baby
t: why not do that?
me: because I don't want you to be tired all of the time
me: cause of me
me: we have tons of time to talk
t: hmpf
me: please
me: don't do that
me: anymore
me: please baby
t: ok
me: its sweet but... I feel bad
t: why
me: i know...you wanna talk to me too
me: but I want you to get your sleep
me: i'd rather stay up and talk to you whenever you're around
me: its bad enough that you're in afghanistan
me: don't lose sleep over me
t: :">
me: please baby
me: see look at you
me: you're tired baby
t: I get plenty of sleep
me: you need to sleep
me: grrrr
me: you wouldn't admit it to me anyways..
. me: so yeah ok like whatever
t: nope
me: sure I believe ya
t: see you know I get enough sleep
t: :)
me: t?
t: yes k?
me: i love you
t: I love you too baby
me: go sleep....please...
t: ok
me: please baby
t: ok
me: i'm not goin anywhere
me: you don't have to hope to talk to me
t: ok
me: i'll find a way always
me: we won't lose touch
me: ok?
t: but I do hope to talk to you
me: i know you do but I'll always come front baby
me: always
t: ok
me: cause I want to...
t: so I will see yah in a few?
me: now.... go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: go sleep
me: me gonna get wiped for flooding
t: you trying to hypnotize me?
me: no
me: i'll do that when I can be with you
t: :">
me: g'night t
t: g'night
t: muah
me: xoxoxox
t: :x
t: I love you Kristy
t: buh bye
me: bye bye
me: i love you right front
me: now go....sleep
t: ok i am gone




Why do �t� and I say �right front� instead of �right back�. Because I told him everyone bails on me. He said, �I�ll never show you my back.� So when he walks away from his pc or has to walk the mile trek to the latrine he says �be right front�brf� As in be right in front of you soon. When he comes back he says �front!� And ya know�all my fears about this�.and with him�its always like this the minute I log on�

t: :;-)
me: teehee
me: hiya
t: I miss you
t: I was starting to worry
me: awwww
me: no worrys

by the way if you read this far into my entry�.and I know Brad..you never will..but if you do don�t be mad at me because I want to say something to you and to everyone that reads. When you called me today and said you were proud of me and that I was getting it together�that was the best. I got those few little tears that spring to your eyes. It was the best because you know me inside and out and for you to see things changing�.it just was the best. To those that read��he�s� a good guy. We just needed to be friends and that was all.

-PoeticaL