cluttering the net since 2001

cast aways - about me

Monday, May. 06, 2002
This is me…

I write, I read, I live, I breath.

I have come a long way, have a long way to go.

I’ve been keeping an online diary since August 4, 2001. The layout there has been updated since the original crapped out and the entries weren’t legible. I keep it up and live because it reminds me of just what a sad and lost girl I once was. I’m not proud of that girl…I am however proud of the one I am becoming now.

I am 35 years old and I am happily married to my husband Rick. We met on January 11, 2003 and got married on November 2, 2005 a year after I proposed to him!!

I have a 13 yr old son to a previous very well documented bad marriage. My son is an amazing person who makes me strive to be the best person I can possibly be. He’s my inspiration always. If given the choice I would marry his father again and again and again so long as the outcome was still as amazing as my son is. I have learned to have no regrets for everything in life turns out just as it should...even if it does involve pain and personal growth.

I am a college student and work for the same University I attend. I love my job and I really enjoy all of the people I get to work with. I have a great dog and I have a happy life…..finally…my online scribbles have helped me through some of the roughest years and now ….writing and documenting my happy moments is truly far more fun. I love looking back on the good memories far better than looking at the bad. But knowing firsthand the bad…has truly allowed me to appreciate the happiness I now have.

I live in Florida but I am from Johnstown, PA. Johnstown is only famous for that big flood. I don’t go back home ever. I haven’t been back there since I last saw my father who is now deceased. Someday I’ll take my husband Rick and show him where I grew up. The only family I have back there that truly matters is my Aunt DeDe and her family (my first cousins)…my father’s sister.

I am majoring in Business Management and want to tell other people which papers to push around all day…someday. I read tons of books and own over 750 of them (at last count). I would be lost without a book to read. I used to write more poetry than i have as of late....I just don't have the time I used to have now that I am a fulltime employee, a full time wife, mother, and student. But that's ok....I'm also fulltime happy.

This is the real cast in the story of my life…

"Rick" Rick is my husband). He works for a moving company as a driver. He hates armoires but he loves Diablo and cheese on his cheese. He hates when I whine, bitch and/or rant, but adores me when I scratch his back, wash the dishes, and do that one thing that...

He gave me a place to live when I only knew him for less than 48 hours and became homeless due to ex's bad choices. We met through friends and in a most normal way and also AFTER ex-husband left. He's the best thing to happen in my life for years. I am happy being around him and with him. He makes me smile so much my face hurts. We’ve been together since January of 2003.

"Randy" Randy is Rick's twin brother, and he and Rick were roommates when I met Rick. I moved in with both of them and spent a lot of time hanging out with Randy and so we got to know each other. They do not look identical but they do have some of the same mannerisms. He's a nice guy and was also nice enough to help me out during a rough time in my life. I consider him a friend not just my future brother-in-law. Randy has a girlfriend he’s now living with. He’s happy. Very happy. And I’m happy for him.

“ex” This nickname is obvious. I was married for 12 years. We met in our mutual hometown in PA. We got married after only a 2-month long dating period. I wasn’t pregnant either! We separated well over 3 years ago and have been divorced since Sept.03. He’s the father of my only child…who is amazing. My child, not my ex. He left for the girl he cheated on me with, my neighbor of 4 years who gave me a bible once for Christmas. "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife" was not highlighted...yet. She was also a married woman at the time. Sinner! She was arrested in August of 2005 because she was hitting him on the front lawn. Go figure…

Keith – is my 13 year old son. I referred to him as “Bucky” for many years in my diary keeping activities. He’s a very artsy child. He draws and writes too. He’s sensitive and loving and just plain funny. He’s got light brown hair and Frank Sinatra blue eyes. He claims he wants to be a famous singer someday. Whatever he does I know now it will be amazing. He’s my reason to strive to be a better person….always.

Chloe is my dog. Rick got her for me for my birthday. She’s by far the best gift I ever got for my birthday…or any other holiday for that matter!! She's a miniature pinscher and I love her to death. She's rocks!!!! I inherited her from her former owners who had a real live baby and decided that Chloe didn’t fit in. BAD former owners BAD! Lucky moi’!

“Mad Prophet” is my only true poetical co-hort. He has tons of pen names, Darksoul being the most used. I slip and refer to him as either/or and sometimes just Dark when I speak of him. He’s MadProphet on diaryland though. We met on scroll.org You can literally read that first tentative meeting right here… When I got a diary here, he did also. We’ve been known to say good morning to each other, write poetry back and forth, etc. He is my soul mate, truly. We are friends only. He’s separated from his wife.... I will never tire of receiving daisies. His diary link is in my list. I am envious of his talent but grateful he wants to be my best friend. I hope that one day he finds happiness by the bucketful.

“him” – Brad is “him”. Brad and I have been through a lot together. He and I were online friends first and for years and now we speak from time to time via telephone. He is well and happy and we are on good speaking terms and are still friendly. I don't speak of him often anymore but I still mention him here because he's had a big influence and will always remain in my heart. He’s now engaged and owns his very own “catheter” company. He’s doing quite well with it too. He and his future wife are currently building a home together but have yet to set a date. He knows what college I’m enrolled in, but not the name of his fiancés. He states that’s because “he doesn’t need to know.”

“Delboy” used to be my co-worker. He’s my absolute best friend locally. We’ll always be friends. He’s my age and was married to a second wife, but she left him for the UPS guy where they both worked. He has 2 kids. 1 to the first wife and 1 to the second wife. Both the 2nd wife and the first wife are selfish bitches and I think he deserves more than either of them ever were. We understand each other and when we get on the phone we talk for hours. I think he’s funny, and honest and just the raddest.

“BraN” is the absolute firstest person I ever met online a l-o-o-o-ng time ago on a now defunct forum called “Freetel”. BraN lives in London, England, has an amazing accent since he’s from South Africa originally and then moved to EnguRRRland. He’s my guardian angel and truly the person who taught me the most about friendship despite distance. When we met online the first time he played techno for me and I was hooked and have been ever since. To him and his techno. He’s just like a big giant smile. A smile I’ll never tire of. I’m always fearful of losing him and he’s just always proving me wrong by being there for me. He gave me the definition of “unconditional love” a million times.

“Bry” wow check that out. His name is really Bry! Well is Bryan but I’ve been calling him Bry since the day we met. He’s an online pal that I’ve known forever. We had a big falling out and didn’t talk for quite some time but we are slowly starting to chat again and I’m glad. Wait..hold the presses…we’re now on a MAJOR BIG falling out and I rarely speak to him ever.

Carla - Although I rarely talk about her in my diary, she’s my best and pretty much only girl friend. Her and I met 21 years ago because of someone else’s Tiger Beat ad that neither of us placed. A friend of mine placed the ad. Carla replied. Instead of hearing back from Suzanne she got me! Suzanne thankfully got too many letters and so I replied to 3 of them. The other two girls…I don’t know what ever happened of them. But Carla and I have been friends ever since. And was 14 then. You do the math! We just met in person for the first time last July (2001) We both went and got tattoos on our backs of Chinese symbols to forever mark our meeting. I love her like the sister that I never had, but I don’t even know if she realizes that.

Greg- Greg lives in GA and is an artist. He's influenced my poetry greatly. He's a brilliant artist. He paints like Dali' only he does it the Greg way. When I met him he was using the nick "EYEamNormaL" I still love that to this day. When he calls me he reads poetry to me over my voicemail. That's just plain great when someone does that!

Tod- If I talk about Tod...it's Tod Goldberg. He's the bombass kind of writer I will never be. I love his stuff and YOU should too. He's a famous nice guy or rather a famous guy nice.

Paul - If I refer to Paul...I mean "the" Paul Westerberg. If you don't know who he is, fuck! After you fuck, do a google search and get educated on everything Paul. You'll be a better person for it.

I’d like to add that I do have family living. I have a sister Tracy who is one year older than me and also has twin daughters. I have seen them only once in their lives. I am an Aunt, but I am sadly not an Aunt. I also have a brother Eric who is 3 years younger than me and still lives at home with my mother and seems to be rather unproductive in his life.

I haven’t seen most of my family in ages. And it’s mostly always been that way. My parents and I had a huge falling out and they disowned me about a dozen years ago. And don’t ask me “what did you do?” I didn’t do anything wrong, sometimes people fuck up and things get fucked up and you can’t get them unfucked for lack of better words. I’ve come to terms with the way things are more so now than I ever have.

But years later I reconciled with my father who subsequently passed away. I am living this life on my own outside of the confines of the normal or typical family. My grandparents on my estranged mother’s side have seen my son only on a rare few occasions and my grandmother refers to him often by the wrong name, mostly because she never sees him and not at all because of senility. She does however send him a card for every holiday imaginable and a savings bond for every Birthday and Christmas. She does something, but she doesn’t know him and he only knows her as the card lady person who …well yah you get the picture.

I think I value my friends and my little family in a way most people don’t. My ex-husband does have family, but they are not what I would call close and they also live up North. But they do love my son and see him as often as humanly possible in the constraints of distance. For that I am glad and never refuse to allow my son to have that relationship even though the marriage was a mess and is over.

Having Rick’s family in my life has much to do with this fact. They are great….and I love them all. The fact that he’s so close to his brother’s and that they have all been nothing but kind and accepting of me…makes me happy in a way I can’t put into words.

I mention all of this in my cast of characters because I think it’s important to know these things in order to really understand why the cast of my life is so short and tons of the people that matter to me have been online, etc.

You can see pictures of most of the people that matter to me on my badly needing updated website... PoeticaL MusinGs as well as often here on my diary.

I miss you Daddy and I always will....

I am currently working on 101 goals….

Creating your own 1001 Day Project

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.

2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.

3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.

4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.

5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

Calculating the End Date

You can easily find out when your project will end by using this handy tool at timeanddate.com.


1. clean up credit report

2. become debt current/free

3. move up one level at work

4. open a savings account for a rainy day

5. open a Christmas club account

6. prepare a will

7. buy a house

8. pay off car

9. get rid of truck and buy a new vehicle for rick

Things to do

10. Take Rick parasailing

11. Paint pottery with Keith

12. Have wedding pictures printed, framed,hung.

13. test drive a Mazda RX8

14. test drive a new Honda Prelude

15. Buy a pair of sexy shoes and wear them every day for a week

16. have a themed party for Rick’s brothers

17. get a poem published in a literary magazine

18. have dinner on a deck overlooking the ocean

19. ride a hot air balloon

20. visit the Florida Holocaust Museum

Things to learn

21. take a craft class at Michaels

22. gain 3 more college math credits

23. buy a flute and take lessons

24. learn how to write in calligraphy

25. take a photography class

26. take a cake decorating class

Home Sweet Home

27. Frame a copy of Pop a Pill and hang

28. Buy a booksellers table for next to bed

29. Organize shoes

30. Organize and catalog books

31. organize CD collection

32. have all film lying around developed

33. hang pictures around a room at chair rail height

34. Paint at least one wall in living room a color

35. clean out bathroom closet and organize in colorful way

36. Paint a kitchen wall red

37. plaster a wall with my own poetry

Things to buy

38. A better digital camera

39. Buy a filing cabinet and marry husband/wife paperwork

40. Buy Robert Frost book and read a poem every morning for one week

41. find a signature fragrance to adopt for myself

42. find a chunky substantial piece of jewelry, all gold or all silver

43. get a new address book and update it

44. Send Aunt DeDe some flowers

45. buy a funky coffee scoop for a friend

46. buy new chef’s not missing heads

47. a new pretty collar for bitty dogs for Chloe

48. a gift for my husband that makes his eyes pop out of his head

49. pretty container for marriage license for china cabinet display

50. sexy lingerie

51. buy myself flowers

52. a fish eye camera


53. visit my hometown of Johnstown with Rick

54. go to Illinois to visit Rick’s hometown

55. go back to Harborside for anniversary

56. visit New Mexico for a weekend

57. drive down to key west

58. rent a moped at key west

59. watch a movie at the MOSI


60. Get new spectacles

61. buy some funky sunglasses, be more daring!

62. Organize some of my poetry and self publish a zine

63. Sing the Pina Colada song in the rain

64. Paint an abstract picture and hang it on the wall with pride

65. Buy a cookie jar for the kitchen and keep it full

66. Cook a new recipe

67. Go to a palm reader or a psychic

68. Read Infinite Jest by David Wallace Foster

69. Foster female to female friendships

70. Find a new therapist

71. Experiment with new makeup colors


72. Find a pretty Catholic church and go to at least one mass

73. Write my grandfather a letter

74. Do something in memory of my father

75. Get tattoo on foot

76. Buy an annotated bible

77. Give to Leukemia charity


78. Pay for the person behind me at Starbucks drive thru

79. Donate a book to the library in memory of my father

80. clean out closet and give clothing items to charity


81. make strawberry spaghetti

82. make no-bake cookies for Rick

83. Buy a slow cooker just to make overnight oatmeal

84. make Rick a soufflé

85. got to a wine tasting event

86. make homemade potato bread for Rick

87. Buy a pizelle iron and make pizelle’s

88. Bake a homemade pie for Rick

89. Make something with cheese on cheese for Rick

90. Give Rick an hour long massage by candelight


91. Buy ten cans or more of whipped cream and…

92. Fly a kite on the beach with someone special

93. Picnic at the park

94. Send handwritten Christmas cards

95. write my husband a love letter

96. have breakfast on the beach with my husband on a Sunday morning

97. take a walk on the beach at sunset

98. buy a disposable camera’s and take pictures for a day with my son

99. buy buy co-worker/friends cards for their birthday’s thanking them

100. write my grandmother a letter

101. stay up all night and watch the sunrise together

From date: Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Added 1,001 days

Resulting date: Wednesday, November 26, 2008

9:07 p.m. ::
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