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coffee - onionheads chat

Monday, Jun. 03, 2002
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I had a great weekend….and tonight I also had this chat…and no longer wonder….I know. I know with all my heart that I still matter to him. I always will. I don’t know anymore that it even matters. It’s just a fact and I no longer wonder. “Him” was and is in my life. It just is. I don’t care why. I don’t lose sleep over why. It just is. Goodbye never sticks and that’s just all…

Me: grrrrrr

Me: why did I ever say anything?

Me: why oh why?

“him”: i wont say anything

“him”: who the hell am i going to tell

Me: no one

Me: cause I asked you not to

“him”: ok then

Me: its just

Me: I think I tell you tons of shit cause somethings...it's like who the fuck are you gonna talk to about em?

“him”: i dont know anybody

Me: yeah right

“him”: did you know Jill asks about you sometimes

Me: how would I know that?

“him”: i just asked you if you do know

Me: no

“him”: she does and used to alot before

Me: why?

“him”: because she seen those cards you bought me

“him”: on my wall

Me: ahhh

“him”: yep

Me: so where are the cards now?

“him”: and she still asks did you talk to that girl in FL

“him”: i took the cards down

Me: smart man

“him”: even put my onion heads away

“him”: :-(

“him”: get this though

“him”: when i moved

“him”: i was on the phone with her

“him”: and everything that i came across of bevs

“him”: went straight in the garbage

“him”: all letters all pics

Me: how come?

“him”: all cards

“him”: even a ring

Me: here's the thing...you can throw things away but no one can change your past

Me: or your feelings....or your memories

Me: I still have my onion heads!!!

“him”: well too a point

“him”: you see by throwing that stuff away

“him”: im letting go

Me: well...its good to let go of some things

Me: yeah...I see your point

Me: but I'm not an issue

Me: she shouldn't have been asking you about me

“him”: if i was to hang on to it

“him”: well how can she not

“him”: she seen the cards

Me: I hate to say this....but I believe it with all my heart

“him”: she knows i dont have any sisters

Me: you and I are close

Me: we're friends

Me: and its because we've spend a lot of time being that

“him”: in some ways we are close

“him”: in others we are worlds apart

Me: I agree

Me: either way Jill's got nothing to worry about

“him”: i told her that

Me: I'm no one to you

“him”: thats not true

Me: yes it is

“him”: did i pm you tonite

“him”: or did you pm me

Me: I recall "if I wanted you to be here you would be"

Me: you pm'd me!

“him”: ok

Me: well its not like that means I get more points

“him”: i dont go around pming ppl

Me: I know that

“him”: i sing my song then let them talk about it amongst themselves

Me: I know that too

Me: I know you like me.....I like you too. We're friends.

“him”: yes

Me: I think we're good for each other when we're just friends.

“him”: yes

Me: and i do agree with you that its not a bad thing to have a good friend

Me: besides....Jill needs to worry about Jill

Me: because in the end...no matter what I did it wouldn't matter if Jill was doing what Jill should be doing where you are concerned

“him”: yeah i understand ppl have kids and problems but i try to keep my life problem free as much as possible

Me: ok here's what I think about this whole issue

Me: you know what you want....accept nothing less..because less is always just that....LESS

“him”: i have a theory if you have a simple life you have great amount of dexterity and that will allow you to do more things that most ppl cant

12:13 a.m. ::
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