PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

dear rick

Saturday, Feb. 08, 2003
Rick,

So much happened tonight, and part of me wishes so badly that you were here because I know how much better I would feel just to have you near me. And part of me is glad that you're not because sometimes I feel like I pour all of past pains out all over you and you deserve so much more than my tears. You deserve my biggest smiles, my warmest hugs, and my brightest laughter.

I laid on the bed tonight for hours staring at the ceiling and trying to somehow put everything into it's right place. I know I'm not making much sense and I tend to do that when I'm torn up inside. I'm sure we'll talk about everything at some point when you return, but I just wanted to come and write to you and tell you that even though the rest of my life is a storm raging through my heart, ripping me in two, you are my biggest reason to believe in tomorrow. My biggest joy, my biggest belief in good.

When everything in my life fell apart, you arrived. Like a breeze on a hot summer day. Like the sun shining after the rain. I can imagine that you'd like to wipe away all of the pain's I've ever felt, because I would love to do that for you Rick. I would love to be able to find the words to make all the past dissapointments fade away, all the lost things seem less costly. I would do those things for you if it was possible.

I want you to know that all I really want from you is what you have already been towards me. Yourself. In you I see someone who knows what truly matters. I see a man who knows how to treat a woman with respect and care. I see someone who is quickly becoming my best friend. I can laugh with you, cry in your arms, run to you for strength and yet steal all your covers and joke around with you in the next breath. When I wake up during the night...I always slide my hands across the sheets until I feel you next to me. I always want to be closer to you. I don't ever want to forget how truly lonely I was inside before you. I want to remember that ache of wanting to be heard, I want to forever remember the silence in a room when all you want is to hear laughter. I want to remember because I never want to forget how lucky I am to have you in my life. You have made me want tomorrow to come. You have given me back parts of myself that I thought I had lost forever. With you I remember who I am. With you, what I am feels special.

Love,
Kristy
3:29 a.m. ::
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