PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

difficult situation

Wednesday, Feb. 19, 2003
First...I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten. It's hard to always think logically and clearly when there is so much betrayal and mistrust for my ex. That makes it difficult for me to communicate with him regarding the whereabouts of my son. The feedback I have gotten...has given me things to think about.

My ex and my son are living 6 miles away from where I am living. They are in a one bedroom because he claims he can't afford a two bedroom despite the fact that he just bought a new vehicle. But I believe said vehicle is not in his name, that was all Ms. Cleaver's doings. Either way the car is not the issue.

I spoke to my son last night regarding these issues and asked him (incidentally he's ten and he got his report card and his grades have dropped since all of this) what he wanted. He said "I want to live with both of you." *sigh* That is frustrating because I'm sure he does, but I have issue with the lack of stability and lifestyle and consistent schedule the two week here/there thing would be like.

I also went to visit Mr. Cleaver (their divorce was final a few days before my ex left me) to ask him about his two week on/off arrangement. He simply stated "we agreed to it and I'm stuck with it." He offerred no insight on whether it was working and yet he seemed to be stressed out and unhappy altogether. He just talked a lot to me about how the two of them will one day reap what they are sowing. AGH....this does nothing to help me. Who cares what the bible says, god allows shitty things to happen. Ms. Cleaver was the same whore that gave me a bible once. So I can't much tolerate this sort of talk when I'm trying to think logically etc.

My main concerns are as follows...

1. There has not been a year since I was with him that he didn't get into some sort of criminal problems. If I allow him to have living arrangements/custody of my son for even two weeks at a time...what happens when his ass goes to jail? My sons life is completely disrupted or worse yet he's left unattended.

2. I do not trust that he won't dissapear with my son, he has done this before to escape his problems.

3. I do not want her to be involved that closely with raising my son. ANd from what Bucky tells me, his dad ignores him to pay attention to her.

4. Rick and I live with his twin brother Randy who is also on this lease. I had to sign the lease in order to stay here. I could have gotten a lease with the ex's name on it, but I don't want his name on anything else in my life, not anymore.

5. I live in a two bedroom apartment and there is simply no place for all of those people to sleep. But the longer this goes on I'm ready to drag out a daybed I own from storage and make it happen.

6. My other concerns, ex is not consistent, I would want him to stay in the same school district always, I want my son to have complete stability and hes never provided it when I was there to try to keep things that way, he always got fired from a job or lost his drivers license or a job. He's not responsible with those things in his life.

7. Why is my son where he is now? Because he left me homeless. He left me with all the utilities being turned off and he didn't pay the rent on the house that he himself leased.

Some days I want to throw my arms up and be done, but most days I realize there is wrong and right. And what's going on right now isn't right. He now claims he's getting a two bedroom apartment, it must be because she's going to move in with him and help pay the bills, because otherwise he would have done that already.

The only thing I am sure of is that I won't drag my son through a nasty custody battle. And I refuse to have a two week/two week arrangement. It's not like I can try it out and if it's horrible change it right away. Once you agree and sign that agreement its even tougher to change those things later I'm sure. I don't think my son is old enough to decide these things. And I think the only reason ex wants that arrangement is because he doesn't want to pay child support and have me control my son's life.

This is why God intended people to mean their vows. Children are meant to have families, two parents, the support of a mother and a father under the same roof. I once read "the best way to love your child is to love your spouse." I totally agree.

He didn't.

In closing I want to say, Rick is supportive, doesn't tell me what to do on these issues, just tells me it'll get better with time and holds me when I cry. I'm a lucky girl to have him. I really am.

Thanks again for your feedback.

-PoeticaL
7:47 a.m. ::
prev :: next