cluttering the net since 2001

but I don't wanna

Sunday, Sept. 18, 2005
The ex just arrived to pick up the kid at the usual time. I was speaking to myself with my "stay calm" voice saying "don't say a word to him, don't say a word...don't say a word" And so I kiss my son goodbye as I hold the barking dog.

(dog doesn't like ex, even after 2 years of his trying to befriend her at the door every Sunday night)

And thennnn then he does it. He says, "Call me tomorrow, we need to talk."

To which I could only say, "About what?" His reply, "About working something out so that he can stay with you during the weeks sometimes."

This has been a difficult thing because he keeps switching schools due to his father moving all over the place since the divorce. His father and I do not live within the same bus line for the schools that he has attended. I haven't moved, but he keeps doing it and he never moves into any area that would allow a more joint custody time arrangement even though that's what the court order states. It's also difficult since I work until 6:15 and there are no buses from his school to my home, etc. Most of the problems are logistical ones.

Funny how my sons issue is with his stepmother and so his father's solution is not to fix or address those problems, but rather address other one's he's long ignored. His solution just might be "send the kid to Mom's house so wife and I can rid ourselves of the headache" (NOOO not the headache of my son, he's not a headache but rather the headache of how his wife continues to treat my son poorly and does not seem to ever recognize how she's hurting his feelings with her commentary. My son is not the problem, never has been, never will be!!)

Who can even begin to guess how his mind works???

I have asked him to pay for an afterschool program in the past...he's never agreed, even though this is in the Divorce agreement that HIS attorney drew up with our input. Why did he ever agree to do that if he wasn't going to? He seems to think that this financial responsibility somehow fall's on Rick. Who oddly would take it on, but I won't let him because well...because HELLO my son has a father, and he should step up to the plate.

It's also highly sad to me that he speaks to me in a different vein and manner when his wife is not around, but when she is he talks down to me as though to reaffirm her false belief that he and I can absolutely never have a civil conversation. We are quite civil to each other and we both love our son a lot. She just can't deal with that so it seems easier for him to pretend it's all bad by bad mouthing me and fueling her wrong beliefs.

I honestly think she see's me as a threat, because years ago he left me for her but came back and left her while asking me to move back in with him. How could she then marry him? If I were her, I'd forever wonder about his allegiances. Besides, a marriage began due to infidelity is one that's flat out screwed. Hell a marriage that deals with fidelity at all is somewhat challenged.

All I want is to stay calm and hear him out. All I really want is for my son to be happy,for me to continue on with college and I want to start a new life with Rick, minus all this ex stress. *sigh* I do not look forward to this chit chat tomorrow. Not one bit. I hate that he's never the same person twice. And he's certainly not one that I can even talk to if she's present. She sits in the background feeding him with what to say, and he does it. I would never play someone's puppet. Never.

Yesterday he tried to tell me that it was impossible for him to tell me he was going to be out of town and leaving my son with the neighbors because I have had to work on Saturday's in the past. Ridiculas excuse.
10:00 p.m. ::
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