freedom or education?
Thursday, Jan. 31, 2002
�..until yesterday when Sam came back driving a 1989 Nissan 200x or something like that�I can�t remember exactly what it is now�and Sam says �how about this deal�we trade titles meaning I give you this car and $2500 and you sign your truck title over to me. Husband called me around 3 p.m. and said �I�m getting a sports car!� Sam can sell that truck in Mexico for $7,000!
Ok�so the car is silver with T-tops, has a small dent in the passenger side rear quarter panel, has a kick ass Pioneer removable face plate style CD player in it. To say the least�.I�m jealous. Very jealous. My car�s a mess�.his car is a �pussy� magnet. Wait, I don�t need that kinda car. I feel bad for Pedro who will have to keep pulling over on the side of the dirt road somewhere and dump a bucket full of water in his new Ford Rangers radiator.
We finally have car insurance. *sigh of relief* He had to pay a nice chunk of money out for that because of his prior D.U.I. And he came home and get this�.this is the important part of this insane story�. He gave me $1500!!!! I have cash. I have $1800 cash in my pocket right now at work. I�m afraid to put it down anywhere. My head is racing with the possibilities�
I want to move out, but I want to go to school, but I want to trade my car and �.fuck�it�s like you think once you have some money that it�ll be enough to do something, but the something that it can do leaves out the some things that it can�t do.
I want to move out. I have to move out. But I could go chuck down my money and be in school within a week too. I could go to school for 6 months and get out and have a better paying job and move out then. What�s another 6 months right? No big deal�right?
Wrong! I want to meet �him�. He wants to meet �me�. �He� told me last night that this relationship we�re trying to have is this difficult because we�ve both reached the point of do or die. There�s nowhere else for us to build upon until we meet. I know a relationship is not the stuff to give up your dreams for. But I also know that he would help me and support me in my efforts to go to school and better myself too.
Fuck�this is a complicated mess. And I have a pocketful of cash. Oh and I took his car for a drive last night. It�s pretty �manlike� and I don�t think it�s me. But whoever owned that car prior left a little CD carrier under the visor and I kyped it. It�s mine now. I asked him �did you find anything left in the car?� He said �no�. So its mine. How crap is that of me? HAHAHAHAHAHA�. Oh if you only knew how many of �my� books and CD�s have shown their faces to me in used shops. Yup he sold my stuff�.only for me to have to either buy it back or have a mental funeral standing in the store.
There was a really kewl CD in there� Chris Smither � Live as I�ll ever be
All in all I think I made out. I should have talked to �him� about it..not that he�s the answer man but he�s so good with this stuff�.sorting it out�and stuff. He�s logical and it cancels out my emotional and we reach a nice compromise.
Now I just have to figure out what the fuck I really want. I want my freedom but I want to be educated too..
Freedom?
Educated?
Freedom?
Educated?
Freedom?
Educated?
ARGH!!!!!
-PoeticaL
But then something makes me listen in,
It rushes to my rescue
That's what's so surprising,
It all seems so well timed,
It would shake a more suspicious mind,
But I just like the sound
It keeps me up on the lowdown,
Up on the lowdown
-Chris Smithers
