fuzzy
Wednesday, May. 29, 2002
Husband�s bringing me some medicine and something hot to drink. It�s so nice having a hardleg guy do nice things for you. ;-)
Last night I laid around on my vanilla couch and read �Bread Alone � Judith Ryan Hendricks�. That book just plain makes me hungry!! She talks soo much about bread and food and sweets. It�s not a good book to read when you�re watching what you�re eating. But the book itself is so very very good. It�s a great book to lift your spirits.
Man my head is all stuffed up, my ears even hurt. My face hurts. Everything hurts. I hate this feeling I have because it�s the onslaught feeling which means its going to get worse. Argh!! This means by Friday night I�ll be ready to die and that�s the concert night. Oh hell I gotta go get some Vitamin C or something. Ahh, I�ll just call husband�see if he can get some Vitamin C too. Yeah�good idea.
Ok back to my car. I just got notified by the I.R.S. that I figured out my taxes incorrectly and I�m now getting a fatter check that I ever expected. I�ve been saving my money and so because of these two things, I am going to be buying a new car soon. I have mixed feelings about this because I really dig my Prelude. I�m thinking that I�m either going to get a JEEP Wrangler or a newer Prelude. I lean more towards the Honda than the Jeep cause I just love my Prelude so much and have never had any problems with it�..
But it sucks!! Totally sucks that it�s doing this shit now.
It waited until now, until I am hanging out with it and saving money and planning on getting something else. Now I am starting to have problems with the battery or something. Geesh. Yesterday husband had to come give my Prelude a jump start after work. This morning it just barely turned over and then started. It�s the battery/alternator or something. It�s too complicated to describe� Incidentally, there�s nothing sexier than watching him fix my car and come to my rescue. His butt looking all hot and stuff while he bends over the hood of my car. There�s just nothing like that prince coming to the aid of the damsel in distress thing. mmmm
I just wish I could get past this constant doubt thing I am dealing with. Last night he went out to find a CD he�s been looking for. I put �Bucky� to bed, was reading that book and something inside me started to wonder where he was. Was he really where he said? God, I hate that feeling. And then I remind myself that he asked me to come back to him. We talked and talked and talked about that whole thing forever. If he didn�t want me he wouldn�t have done that. But then he has been known to do some awful things and I can�t fool my brain into forgetting that.
The human psyche is a complicated thing. Then a little while later, while I�m reading in my pj�s he comes home and he laid down beside me on the couch and we talked. Fingers entwined. I told him I wasn�t feeling so good and he rubbed my face, my sinuses and stuff and it felt soo good. Later in bed he reached out for me, legs entwining, body heat. Sometimes just having somewhere there feels like�..enough. Sometimes it�s all just a blur. Sometimes I�m as confused as any one person can get.
Sometimes I wish I could start all over knowing everything I know now. Other times I don�t want to go through it all again. Today I just want to crawl into bed, be held and drink tea. But I can�t. I�m at work.
I really think I�m gonna look to buy a Honda Del Sol. Always wanted one�. Damn my head�s stuffed and I�m all over the place. I can�t find that smooth flow of thought.
Lynda just gave me some Vitamin C�..yeahhhh!!! But fuck I�m just so FUZZY!!!!!!
-PoeticaL
