PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

hope

Sunday, Aug. 25, 2002
Someone told me that I wasn�t �writing� that I was having a midlife crisis and that my life was mundane. I�d like to invite said person to come jamb his ugly feet into my hellish shoes for one day and then judge me.

Other than that, I�ve had a quiet weekend and an amazing conversation that leaves me with hope�.

me: i'm serious about what I said

t: ?

me: you know

me: if you can't deal with it

me: you need to figure that out now

t: i know...

t: but why would i not be able to deal with it?

me: ask all the people that couldn't

me: but said they could

me: i'm not asking you to deal with it

me: that's the thing

me: i'm really not

t: but my name isn't "all people who couldn't"

me: i'm just asking you not to lie and say you can if you can't

t: it is a lot of stuff kristy...

t: but I dont see no reason not to deal with it

me: i know that

t: does that make sense

me: theres a lot of reasons not to t

me: you dont have any issues in your life right now

me: its all nice and clean and easy

me: why fuck it all up

me: why?

me: why?

t: why would I be f'ing it up?

me: because my life's all fucked up

me: i told you that a long time ago

t: i know you did...

t: but why would it f mine up?

me: well I guess it can't if you just want to fuck and then leave

t: whatever

me: don't whatever me

me: ugh

me: i'm gonna say this once

me: i love you. i feel bad that i'm in the middle of 12 feet of total crap and I can't just be free......and not have this going on ...because I really wish I was something better for you

t: I love you ....and you dont need to be any better than who you are right now

me: do you understand?

me: do you understand that if you can't deal with it...i'm not gonna hate you ...

t: yes

t: yes

me: you don't have to do that for me t

t: do what...? understand and be content to deal with stuff?

me: i just dont' want my mess to ever cause you to resent me

me: if I had a family...I woulda left ...I'd be there wherever there would be, trying to get my life straight

t: I would never resent you

me: i don't have anywhere to go t

t: I know

me: i don't even know what i'm trying to say here anymore

me: maybe i need to just shut up

t: or smile a second or two

me: awww t

2:49 p.m. ::
prev :: next