i'm very tired of this...
Saturday, Oct. 05, 2002
I am so sick of this shit�.but here goes�Shelley apparently didn�t like the fact that I told Justin (http://fulltilt.diaryland.com) that I felt for his ex-wife and that perhaps he should try to put himself in her shoes and instead of judging her for only appearing to have no feelings for her daughter, he should realize that perhaps she�s going through a hard time of her own. My exact words�
name: PoeticaL
message:
I�m sure it wasn�t your intention, but she gets my compassion. I think there�s no excuse for total absence from Chloe�s life. But I do think you have no idea where she�s at emotionally and mentally. If she feels she can�t offer Chloe what Chloe deserves from her, perhaps she is giving the best gift she can by giving Chloe the peace of her absence. I know what its like to have your child �taken away�. It can destroy any one.
I probably wouldn�t help Bucky�s father take him out of the country either. Even if he had custody and I should. I would probably not want to think about my child going so far away. Put yourself in her shoes..have you ever?
After that Justin�s friend Shelley decided to come attack my life. Just because I suggested that he might want to think about things from a different angle. Just because I have compassion for someone doesn�t mean I think my life is perfect.
Her diary is at http://oxeia.diaryland.com. She�s college educated but doesn�t know that we can all still read her diary�.
Whatever. Most recently Shelly has this to say.
entry 726
name: Shelley
message:
Jesus...you don't give up do you. None of us really care to hear you explain yourself over and over and over again. Why are you so determined for us to have compassion for you?? By continuing on like you have...only proves how whacko you really are. Oh, and for the record, read some of *my* diary. I did not get where I am today because these things were spoon fed to me. Actually, I was taught a long time ago ( at the tender age of 15 ) that I am capable of ANYTHING, despite the shitty things that come along. I did not go to college like most kids do at 17 or 18. At 21 I applied for a grant and took some classes at a comm. college.. all while working as a waitress and supporting my child (who, by the way has gone to a private school since the age of 2, remember..waitress)...so I didn't have a penny to wipe my ass with. Things were not easy for me as well....but I didn't let ANYTHING stop me from doing what was right. Hmmm...I lived on the streets of Orlando for a while..homeless .. at 18. So, don't try the "my life has been so shitty" card with me. There are no excuses for why you have not gone to college to better your career ( I think deep down you know that). We have to make sacrifices to better our lives. The topic of Justin has turned into the topic of you, because you feel sooooo shitty about your life. You can't help to compare yourself to Jeonga because you need to. It some how makes you feel better about yourself. That's f ine...what ever works for you. My only issue has been that you don't know the facts, you've yet to acknowledge the actions Justin has taken to keep things as normal as possible for Chloe. You can't see it because you are so bent on thinking that Jeonga must be scarred by Justins actions. When, in reality, you have NO IDEA what she feels. Not all woman feel the same as you....people are very different (again, this is something that I learned very early on). Your logic proves that, I believe you have said over and over again " you bailed Justin, your a loser." So he bailed, that makes him a loser...in your eyes. I bailed on my daughters father, but you know what, I'm not a loser for it. It's the best decision I could have EVER made for my daughter. If you knew the circumstances you'd think so too. Your husband bailed on you, so he too is a loser. Things are not always black and white in this world. What is good for one person may be very bad for the other. I think I am done here... date: 10:13 pm - Friday,October 4, 2002
~~~
�What is good for one person may be very bad for the other.� What was good for him may have been very bad for Jeonga. Case closed.
I have no idea how she feels. I only read her words. After reading them, I have compassion for her. I reiterate for the millionth time that I don�t believe he�s a bad father. I only expressed that I have compassion for her and think that instead of him walking around feeling that she bailed�perhaps he should remember that he too bailed and he too had reasons.
Do you get it yet?
Yeah I didn�t think so.
As far as you and your life and whether or not you understand me and mine? I don�t give a fuck what you think at all. You obviously can�t think past your own nose.
One last thing, since you told me yourself. Why�d you bring a child into the world with a man that wasn�t suitable to be a father? Was he only suitable for a one night fling? Perhaps in an alley?
I might not be college educated YET but my son has a father that spends time with him daily, doesn�t dump him off with grandma for months at a time and would never cease to be a part of his life.
Lastly, I am currently raising my child completely on my own. I am working two jobs and I haven�t bailed on my child�s father. He is ill, and I will always do whatever I can to help him. My child is a product of love. His father and I will always be friends.
It amazes me that people will be stupid enough to bring children into the world with a partner that they deem suitable enough to be a parent and then later don�t figure the person is suitable enough for them.
Keep in mind, I am not the one that ended my marriage�he bailed.
