cluttering the net since 2001

...like the someone

Sunday, Dec. 15, 2002
I want someone in my life who will occasionally stay up with me all night until the sun comes up, playing music and talking and then stopping to see the blue come back into the sky, and then crawl into bed with me. Someone that will talk with me until my eyelids grow heavy and then he will hold me while I drift off to sleep. I want him to laugh with me, cry with me, and most of all just “be” himself around me and maybe even because of me. I want someone that will read what I write, not because what I write is so earth shattering but because he wants to know me and reading what I am is a clue to knowing me better.

I want someone in my life that will buy me a book, build me a bookshelf, and then tell me its ok if I buy myself another book that very same day. I want someone that doesn’t lie to me, but instead speaks truth in large doses. And when I talk about my past, my heartache moments, I don’t want him to fix it, just accept it. Accept me for who I am, who I want to become, and mostly for who I once was. All three of those things are still who he would always be with.

I want someone in my life that has goals and aspirations for big things in his life, and through his goals and wants I might find my place in his life where I fit and enhance him as a person as well. I don’t want to be anyone’s burden, but rather I want to be the one person he can come and lay his burdens on when he feels the need.

I want someone that will watch a sappy movie like “She’s Having a Baby” with no complaints and then know that I’m watching Claude Van Damme because I really want to and not because I am returning the favor. I want an equal and equally strong man, that knows who he is and won’t bend for me, a man that is secure about who he is and what he wants and doesn’t allow me to bulldoze over or through his feelings or ways.

I want someone in my life that will teach me how to be a better me, without the use of a chalkboard and or directions he spews forth, but by simply caring enough about me to allow me to find my own way. I want him to hold my hand and not strangle my dreams and desires for something more, something bigger.

I want a best friend, a soul mate, and then….after we are those things, I want someone that will touch me, not for the want of some physical act of gratification but rather for the act of sharing openly with one another the beautiful thing that surely must transpire when two people have achieved the bond that ties two people tighter to one another than any physicality’s or intercourse can. I want a man, a man of honor and morals. A man that knows wrong from right and in the event that life dictates that for a moment he must chose to do the wrong, he will know that while he did what was wrong, he will be remorseful and full of determination to never do wrong again.

I want a man that has a talent, be it painting walls, cooking, drawing, writing, playing an instrument, or just simply an immediate ability to configure a stock market prediction..I want him to be well versed at something and be a well rounded person with interests of his own.

I don’t want flowers half as much as I want consideration. Nor do I want promises as much as I want the knowledge that no promises need to ever be made. I don’t want perfection and in fact it is in the flaws that I am able to appreciate the beauty of what someone is as a whole picture despite the fine line cracks.

I want someone that keeps things I have given him, because he appreciates that I gave from my heart, and with the right thoughts in the process. And if I give him something ridicules like a gorilla that plays Macarena, I want him to laugh in my face and admit that he thinks it’s a ridicules gift, I want this act because I want him to be true to who he is and his beliefs and never bend or change who he truly is for the sake of me. At the same time I would love for him to appreciate that while the gift was ridiculas and its ok for him to say that, he still appreciates that I showed my affection and that this is a good thing. Yes he can give the gift to charity, throw it in a corner, it is far more important to me that he know he is cared for and loved than it is what becomes of that bad gift.

I want someone in my life that encourages me to be a better me, but accepts that I will sometimes falter and need him to care for me either way. I want to know that when I succeed he will not be threatened by my successes and simply encourage and clap his hands for me along my own path of goals and wants from life.

I want someone that doesn’t dodge my phone calls, or dodge my questions, or give me lame answers when he doesn’t want to talk about it. I’d much rather he said, “I’m not ready to talk about this right now.” and walk away than most anything else.

I want someone who wants to always know me, my thoughts, and what is going on in my life. I want someone that laughs with me, talks with me, shares with me, and cares about me as a person and us as a couple.

I want my hand held when I am scared, and I want freedom to chase my dreams when I am brave. I would like the door to be opened for me at least sometimes, and in exchange, I'll say thank you and appreciate these small acts of respect by returning respect.

I want to be treated the same around his friends, family and others in his life as he treats me in private. I want to know who he is, and know that we are on the right path….together.

I don’t expect to ever find these things without willingly being these things myself as well. Someone once told me that you are what you meet…in light of that, I want to go off and become what I would want from someone in my life. I want to be someone strong, and free of doubts, someone with much to offer. Someone like the someone I want in my life.

7:27 a.m. ::
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