meshed potatoes tonight...

Last week I was supposed to have an interview. I worked at my part time job overtime instead. I never went. Yesterday the same lady I stood up called me as though I were someone new to her and we scheduled an appointment for today at 11 a.m. I was amazed that she didn�t know who I was.

Today I slept in. It was unintentional but today is my first entire day off since last Sunday and so�yah I slept instead. This job was the same old boring stuff I did for 4 � years. Sales Coordinator b.s. It was also 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. and that is just enough of your day to forgo ever having a part time job. It�s also a half hour away from my apartment. All big knocks against it. Secondly if I stood this lady up once why was she so unorganized and too stupid to know it? And according to their website, she would most likely be my boss. It�s a software company. Yawn boring. I have worked for electronics companies and worked on purchase orders and sales orders and matching up product with orders and worrying about UPS arriving on time for far too many years. So oddly enough this morning I stood her up again. I didn�t mean to. It just happened. I stood a girl up twice in a matter of a week. And she doesn�t even know it. I wonder if she�ll call next week. After all three times might be the charm?

Last night I folded his laundry. Last night I found out that he does miss me as much as I miss him. He�s so cute right now. He�s all tan from being outside working so much. His hair has just a touch of blondness in it also from the sun. He�s hard and buff from all that hard work and he�s just yummy. There�s always been this one thing about him that makes me happy inside and out�.his hugs. When he pulls me close to him it�s with his entire body, arms enveloping me, his face in my neck. The sort of hug that makes me want to crawl right inside of his chest. He blankets me with so much love with just one hug. When I was driving over there last night after work all I could think about was his hug. I already knew that once his arms were around me my long hard week would disappear. There�s nothing better in life than knowing that just being in someone else�s presence would make everything all better. And he does that. God I hope I do that for him too. I really love seeing my ring on his finger. Knowing I gave it to him and knowing what it all means. Last night he stated �you�re in such a hurry to get married.� To which I honestly replied, �I�m not in a hurry to get married at all, I�m planning at least a year in advance�no wedding fairy is dropping a ton of cash to pay for this shindig so time is needed to take care of it all�.I�m just in a big hurry to be �with� you. I miss living with him. I miss waking up next to him. And yet�I know in my heart it is oddly the missing and the knowing what I had that makes me change.

I need to go to the gynecologist. (yah I know that sentence just made some other female clench her thighs tight..lol) I was advised that if I go on the pill then my periods will come more frequently and be on time etc. I have decided that even though I want to have a baby and want nothing more than that, that the best way to go about it and be in control of my body etc is for me to go on the pill and regulate my periods for at least 6 months and then go entirely off of the pill and try again. Last night he asked me if I have gone�I know that he wants nothing more than to be a Daddy. And I want nothing more than to be a Mommy again. I feel the biological clock ticking and I want to have a baby�I really do. I still have nightmares about the miscarriage�..horrid nightmares�that scare me to the core. They are so freakishly real�. And yet, my heart aches for a little girl. I�m pretty sure he wants a little boy�. I am entirely sure that where I used to think there was �his� family and then �my� family�those dividing lines that I thought were there�aren�t there�we have meshed�.I am a part of him�and he is a part of me.

Ok so this is my day off so I�m going to go outside and enjoy some daylight sunshine�go for a drive�.shop for a car�..have some fun, shop for that meatloaf dinner I�m making tonight. :-)

In totally other news�.Martha Stewart went to jail this morning. It�s a good thing! Teehee�

-PoeticaL