my dear seahorse....
Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002
Have you ever loved someone more than the sky is blue? In a way that you can hardly explain it to anyone, the kind of love that is the solid foundation to whom you become after awhile. Have you ever run to someone every time the world hurts you? Have you ever run and showed someone every single boo boo that the world caused or created? Have you ever known you didn�t have to hide your scars because they were beautiful gems in the eyes of the man that loves you in return? Have you ever run and known that those arms would be there. Sometimes like the arms of your father when you were running off of the school bus from your first day in kindergarten. Other times like the arms of your best friend on the day you tripped in front of the whole class while walking off stage. Have you ever heard someone�s voice and felt every one of those walls you build around yourself fall only to feel that your every abyss is quickly filled by the warmest sweetest love you�ve ever known? Do you have a best friend? A friend that follows everything that you attempt to do. A friend that watches you fail and fail badly and still tells you how amazing you are while you wipe dirt from your skinned knees? Have you ever had a friend who kissed your skinned knees, wiped the dirt for you and even told you how very sorry he was that it happened in the first place? A friend that cursed the sidewalks that harmed you?
Have you ever read words and felt them touch your flesh like kisses along your collarbone and tongues tasting away your tears? Have you ever felt arms around you when you are merely sitting all alone? Have you ever called someone on the phone and been unable to speak a word through your grief and tears and had the person on the other end tell you that it was ok because that�s what he was there for? Do you know what it�s like to push someone away because you can�t possibly ever be close enough to make all of the space between you feel less than the ache that it sometimes is? Have you ever opted to accept that ache and fight it daily because what made the relationship good was more than any other good you�ve ever known or had right in front of you? Have you ever laid on the wet grass after it rained and prayed to the only star way up in the sky that if you die before you can ever hold him you�ll be more bereft because you couldn�t somehow show him how real you were or how much you truly cared for him. Have you ever loved this unselfishly? Have you ever known that you were meant for nothing more than that moment that you felt every crack in your soul mend because you knew someone understood you for the first time? Do you know what it�s like to write a string of words that feel like rusty links but are a string of pearls in someone elses eyes? Would you give up ten years of your life to gift someone else one happy year? Have you loved like that? Have you made a thousand mistakes that you could only share with one other soul? Have you shared those mistakes and had them be obsolved within mere seconds of giving them life with sound?
Have you loved so deeply that you feared with every breath you took that what you found might disappear as quickly and beautifully as it came along? Have you ever just stopped and thought about someone and felt the need to hug a pillow and cry silent tears embracing prayers that for every time you missed him something wonderful would happen for him? Have you ever known that you could live an entire lifetime and never be as touched again as you have been only to be proven wrong again and again. Have you ever found your soul mate and felt yourself heal deep inside? Do you know what it feels like to have everything and be able to hold none of it? To love with all of your heart and not be able to have it all? To have it all and never be able to tell the world. Do you know? Have you ever? If all the stars fell from the sky I would string them together like a chain of christmas lights to light a path from your face to happiness. I would stand somewhere quiet, eyes full of tears watching you find your way to everything you heart could ever desire. I would stand alone crying and never regret one minute of my sorrow or pain just to watch you find happiness. Just to see you smile once. Just once for every time you healed a scar of mine. Just once for every time you said it was ok. Just once for all the times you loved me more than any other person ever has. Just one more smile for every time that I have known you were hurting but held it all inside with silence just to listen to me whine and carry on about something hurting me. I wish with everything that I am that everything I am was enough to pay every sad debt that God intends you to pay off. I would lay on the side of a field of flowers dying and watch you walk through happy and never once feel that my death was not worthy. I would line a thousand lines of poetry around your world that could always protect you and give you everything that you have never known. I would do everything for you. Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever known this kind of love? Have you known all this time that I want you more than anyone else I have only tried to love? Do you know that when someone hugs me, I wish it was you? Do you know that I cry a thousand tears wanting nothing more than you? Do you know how happy you make me? Do you know how empty I was inside before you? Do you know what you mean to me? Do you? Do you? When you come into my field of words, they curve themselves into daisies, into smiles, into everything that is nothing less than bliss. Do you know that I want nothing but you? Do you know I carry your poetry in my pockets just to always feel close to you because I never feel close enough? Have I told you? Have I told you how special you are? Have I told you enough? Have I shown you about love? Have I ever told you? Have I made you ever feel loved? Have you ever really heard? Do you know? Do you? Have you ever heard it in my voice? Have you ever wondered why I never find it in anyone else? Have you ever felt it too? Do you know that I love you more than life?...I do.
