one love
Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2002
That�s such a sad statement and at this point I am like a pendulum as far as my reaction to it. My gut wants to believe in love. I want to believe in �him� and in everything that I�ve spent the last 3 years believing in. I have wrapped my arms of thought around him for so long that I find it so hard to know what to do. Maybe I�m too damn needy; maybe I�m too damn confused to see anything so clearly.
I am so tired of all of this. I�m so tired that if I could blink my eyes and make it all just disappear I think I would. I wish I could be 19 and alone again. I wish I could go back that far and give it all another shot.
This morning when I dropped �Bucky� off at the corner for school I wanted to grab him and hold him and cry all over him. I wanted to melt inside of him. He�s sometimes the only good thing I see in this world. And he�s the thing I�m facing leaving. I don�t know anymore what the fuck I�m doing. I�m so mixed up and so tired of my life that I just want it all to stop. I want to stand in the middle of a highway somewhere and watch the cars fly around me. I want to know I am invincible and yet I am nothing but road kill. I am dead bleeding with guts wrapped around his tires�.
I just got an email from BraN showing me his new flat in North London. I swear I�m going to save up my friggin money and go there one day. I have to think about the future�the future�.the friends that I do have that do care about me�.I have to think about good things�.bright things. Some of the most amazing people want to be my friend. What in the fuck do they see in me? Wait�why do I care?
I pulled on my favorite hoochie jeans and they�re too big. I passed the donuts on the counter this morning�.even though I�m so fucked up today�.I just feel this one love that won�t subside and won�t leave me be. I love a man that doesn�t seem to love me�. One love that tortures me more than soothes me�.that makes me so crazy and I wonder if I don�t love that �crazy�.
-PoeticaL
One love, one heart
Let's get together and feel all right
As it was in the beginning (One love)
So shall it be in the end (One heart)
-Bob Marley
more proof that these tests are �..
I'm Sarah. I'm imaginative and creative, though a bit of a brat sometimes. If I use my wits, I'll get what I want. Nobody has power over me!
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