passive depressive
Friday, Jun. 04, 2004
Today someone accused me of being passive. Stated that I never want to rock the boat. They said that I sit on my hands and never tell anyone how I truly feel or what I truly think and that I harbor my true emotions and thoughts. Furthermore it was stated that I never speak out for the things that matter to me. I was also told that when people make suggestions to me to take control of my life and demand and seek things I really want from it, that I twist their suggestions to sound as though they were demands in and of themselves coming at me from those people.
Secondly, it�s apparently ok to leave the state and call your gf for five minutes and send one email over the course of 3 days. Apparently I don�t agree and so this is me roaring and asserting because I feel as though you split mr. b.f. with barely a look behind you at what you left. This could of course be my abandonment issue rearing it�s ugly head. It could be the fact that I�ve had less than 3 hours of sleep in the last 2 days as well. However, I shall not be passive about this one and I will let you know that you have somehow made me feel badly about this entire thing. Furthermore, just because Cathy came over and we drank a 6 pack of alcohol and lounged around the pool doesn�t mean I was having a good time or that I didn�t miss you. Nor does it mean that I�m happy. It simply means that I�m drowning my sorrows like never before. But you never think about things in those sorts of terms.
You mentioned that the tux is black and I couldn�t stop imagining you in a tux in a church on a Saturday afternoon. But you wouldn�t believe that�s what I�ve been thinking about even if I told you straight out. Maybe this is why I tend to be passive. Because no one believes my true thoughts or emotions when I do speak up.
I have a pounding headache, a backache, I�m hungry like never before, and I�m hot and grouchy. You�re not missing much I tell ya b.f. you�re not missing anything. I can tell.
It�s Friday night and I swear I might just not answer the phone even if it does ring. I desperately need to sleep and eat and calm down. Ick�
One last thought to g5...go away!
-PoeticaL
