"I'm too scared to know how I feel about you now"
Wednesday, Jan. 02, 2002
My Christmas memories �.
Sand castles
Cold feet in surfs
�blink� one light and they all go out
Sex and the City marathon
�Diamonds are a girl�s best friend�
The �Silencer� smack down
Jam Cam
Gingerbread latte
Black tae kwon doe uniform (Bucky really liked that!)
That someone �special� conversation with Wendidarling
Drinks with Richard
Christmas party
Movies Movies Movies!!!
Books Books Books!!!
Wow I could just go crawl back into bed. I guess that�s what happens when you spend a dozen nights in a row staying up til dawn writing. The only thing I didn�t get that I wanted�.well�.I don�t know.
Too many goodbyes. Too many �have a nice lifes�. Too many from me. Too many given to me. It saddens me to think about it. I think the next time he does that I�m gonna make it Goodbye for good. Let him sit and pine away for me.
OMG speaking of �him��he just called me at work. And I think that I think about him a lot. Wrong! He was thinking about me already. He�s probably thrilled because he thinks I listened to him and got rid of t his diary. Go figure. *snickers* I think this is for the best. I get to write and say what I want and he doesn�t have to concern himself with what I�m writing about. And everyone�s happy. But I feel like I�m lying to him again. Is it a lie if I said �I ended my PoeticaL diary� and here I am�. Is that a lie? Hmm... He would qualify that with "hiding something" which falls under deceit. I'm so torn. Torn between my needs and his. And in the end I must win. But I'm tortured about it. I'm torn....about my feelings.
Smilin� PoeticaL
�And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I�m too scared to know how I feel about you now�
- Ryan Adams
