someday
Tuesday, Feb. 12, 2002
Yesterday after work I talked with Madprophet. I wonder if he knows that I love to ramble on and on about everything to him. So much so that I have no idea how long I kept talking after my Sprint PCS phone said �lost call�. I was just talking and talking and he�s so quiet that I never realized he was gone for awhile. Teehee� Now I know I talk too damn much!
I got �him� a Valentines Day gift last night. I just showed Lynda cause I�m shipping it from here using their Fed-Ex account so that it gets there faster and on time. She liked it. But I wasn�t really sure what to get him. I think I could have done better, but Lynda said it was very nice. I got him a �black� pen with the word �SOMEDAY� engraved on it. The word that has come to mean everything. It was hard because he and I have a ton of private jokes, etc. I love that about our relationship. I love that it�s always been like that. We could have an entire conversation that no one else would ever truly grasp. But he and I would. And in the end that�s all that matters. Right?
Lynda asked me what �someday� meant. She said �does that mean �someday we�ll be together?� I said, �It means a thousand things and yet it�s so hard to put it all together.� She said, �Try!� with a big smile. I said, �To me it means someday as in there�s always a tomorrow, always something more waiting around the corner for us all.� She just said �uh uh�.well�ok�.
I thought a pen was fitting because so far all we�ve been able to share is �words�. Someday is most significant between he and I because of Alan Jacksons song. Its rather a juxtaposition to call that �our� song. But somehow it just has happened. If you know the lyrics, its odd. It�s like a break-up song. There�s been a few times when he�s sang that song for me and made the comment while live on the mic after singing it� ��and sometimes it does�.
I notice there�s not a person in or around my life that ever says �what about husband?� There�s not one person that has ever said that. I suppose they�ve all seen what he�s done to me. How he�s crushed my spirit and heart. There�s not a person rooting for him in any of this. I know that much. I see it everyday. I think once a man grabs a kid and yanks him away from his mother all under the guise of going for burgers�well it just leaves a sour taste in everyone�s mouth.
While standing there discussing the pen and shipment etc, Lynda stops mid conversation and says �ya know�I can see that you�ve lost weight. You look good. You�re making progress.� Now you know, coming from a fellow female, that�s such a nice thing to be told. Especially one that I really like and admire as a person. Especially when I�m wearing my new Mossimo T and dark blue size 16 jeans. My goal is �size 11�. That was the size I wore before I had �Bucky�. I want a pair of Tommy jeans�size 11. Someday�..
-PoeticaL
And I said someday
I'll get my life straight
~~~
She said all I've ever wanted was to love you
And somewhere deep inside me I still do
-Alan Jackson
