stress should be a dress you find warmth in

I spoke to my supervisors boss (my boss too..you remember right?) yesterday on my day off. He called me at home. He had the girl who does the same job in his office and we had a group speak and it was informing and nice. I�ll be spending half of my time there next week and have of my time at the same old job. So my hours will not change next week, but probably will after next week. I have a huge amount of new information to absorb and I feel stressed about getting my former tasks complete. It�s as if I�m doing two jobs for a week. Very stressful because I�m a perfectionist. I did get a jump start this morning while at work on a lot of little tasks that can be done early. Whew�.thankfully. But I still feel out of sorts and this week will be a trying one to say the least. I will be driving back and forth across the bay to do things there and come back here and blah�I do not look forward to that part. You do recall that I�m direction dyslexic so I�ll have to learn a new route. *wringing hands thinking about it* I�m actually driving from Clearwater to Temple Terrace and back and I live in St. Pete.

I just printed out the admissions information I will have to learn a.s.a.p. 42 pages (10 pt font) of information! Gah. I did think it was 120 pages because that includes the progression/pre-req procedures. I slimmed it down to the information that �I� have to know for �my� new job and it�s down to 42 pages. Whew�but wait�42 pages of new information to cram into my brain within the next few weeks. The girl who does the job across the bay is pregnant and about to give birth in 4 weeks. I have 4 weeks to ask her questions and then I am on my own.

I do this to myself every time I take on a new task. I did it when I enrolled in college. The self doubting disease hit me with a vengeance then. It also hit me when I first starting to work here and realized that I would be �left alone� for hours upon hours inside of the building with hundreds of adult students/faculty and I would be the �only� voice of the University present. I lamented and feared and now 8 months later my supervisor told me yesterday I would be impossible to completely replace in my current position because I threw the smack down when it came to policies and procedures. I whipped the faculty into submission and had them working like a well oiled machine. She stated that few other people in my position were able to do this part of the task. However, she looked forward to a master white board cleaner because I dreaded that part of the job and tended always to �put it off�. However I did point out to her that I never set out to be a �maid� and had to constantly remind myself to set aside my distaste for cleaning �other people�s� dirt in order to white board clean. I also found out that the company will not hire even one of their own if they are on academic probation.

When I first enrolled the online division placed me in a higher program than I should have been in. Meaning my first 3 classes are for grad students not undergrad students. And even though I did not technically qualify I received an A and a B in those two upper division classes. My hiring boss told me this yesterday. He advised me that he did not need to formally interview me because as he stated, �I checked out your grades and you are doing amazingly well despite being misplaced in a higher division program temporarily.� I tend to believe I did so because no one told me �Hey we�re going to put you in unrealistic courses for your skill level and we expect you to step up to the plate.� IF one does not know they are being tasked they just go into it blindly. Knowing now I�m rather nervous about finishing the upper division level course I am currently in.

What�s really odd is that your bosses know how well you are doing in college�.or how poorly you may be doing. I�ve known this all along but never gave much thought to it until yesterday.

I must publicly state once again I love my job. I truly do. I could avoid writing about my job entirely but it�s so much a part of me these days that I cannot do that. I feel like a different person since coming aboard. I feel as though I am working on my future, my career and my own personal abilities all at once. I�m happy about it all. I truly am. This week will be crazy nuts at work because I must do my job, and travel across the bay to be trained within the confines of my job hours. I do have next weekend off entirely and can�t wait.

I have so much to do and right now I just want to grab a quilt and run off to the beach with a good book. It�s probably not going to happen. I am midway thru a class. Yesterday was my day off and my computer was all messed up, the network was error happy and my laptop is just�.a mess!! Rick and I have our computers networked to the same cable modem and I am a software genius and a hardware retard so I could not fix it. So the entire �off� day was rather wasted without being able to do any coursework. I asked Rick to fix it today and I�m sure he will. He�s a genius when it comes to that stuff. (Reason 567,122 I pick Rick!)

I�m hungry�tired�.stressed out�but I�m also excited, proud, and looking forward�.always forward. Now back to this class assignment and I have a few white boards to make sparkly before I can leave�..

thanks Amanda, Krystal and Dukkha for your congrats�I appreciate them� :-)