stuff to put stuff in
Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2003
Ugh Ugh Ugh. I hate moving. In the last few years its all I�ve done. And this time is a nightmare. I have to move my stuff into storage and it�s all split down the middle and I have no idea where anything is. I just get the distinct feeling that I�m about to get screwed out of tons of stuff. I hate that feeling I get over it all.
I�ll just be happy when I have the key to the storage unit and my stuff is safely tucked away there. Half the time husband and I scream at each other then the air clears or something and we�re civil again. It�s insanity and I�m so sick of it. I want to get all of this moving stuff out of that house done this weekend and then I don�t want to talk to him about anything for at least a month. I just am so sick of it all. I�m sick of the name calling, the unfair conversations, the distain for my wishes on his part. I hate it all.
In other news�.
Rick and I are going to have tons of room in bed tonight. I can�t wait. The bed we�ve been sleeping in is really tiny. So I�m looking forward to a nice long nights sleep. Of course I still might not get it.
I have a new address again. This time around is about the 25th address of my adult life! Insanity. And then 5 months from now I�ll have yet another one. I really am so so sick of moving. But hopefully the move in 5 months will be a hugely happy one.
Rick is the walking calm when I�m all over the road with stress and for that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I really am lucky right now� I thank him all the time and he feels that I�m thanking him as though I�m leaving and done. As in �thanks for everything� and I�m on my horsie riding into the sunset. But it�s more like �thanks for being so there for me right now, without you I wouldn�t have a reason to smile at all.�
I still haven�t gotten any razors�.like I said earlier�ugh ugh ugh�
Tonight Rick and husband are going to stare at each other I�m sure. Oddness�. I just want my stuff and I want to split. I want to have something to start over with. I want a fair chance at happiness.
I really want my son to not be around Mrs. Cleaver too�but�.I just can�t do much about it. She�s going to go straight to hell�.I just know it. I try not to let myself go there to that depth of hatred I have for her�but it�s hard. It�s also the only thing husband and I are disagreeing about. I just don�t see the draw with her�.I never will.
I know that for me�Rick is brand new. A brand new slate. Someone I can built a�fresh with. Someone new to my life. And I really like that about him. He�s someone without preconceived ideas about who I am based on the events in my messed up marriage/life as of late. He just knows me now�.and that�s very nice. Mrs. Cleaver is a bad carryover of something sordid and it�ll never be anything worthwhile. But that�s his lesson to learn�I hope he learns it the hardest of ways.
-PoeticaL
