PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

the bucs won!

Sunday, Jan. 19, 2003
Another weekend gone. It seems like I did nothing, and mostly I did do nothing. But I did everything too. I'm in this weird place where half of my life is blissful and happy and good, and the other half is tons of loss and guilt and anger and pain.

Bucky came back to FL today. He's currently staying with his Dad elsewhere. I don't know how I feel about all of this, it's far more complicated than I could ever write about here. There's so many variables and mostly the biggest one is that I am left with tons of debt and bills that need paid before I can ever again have any sembleance of normalcy in my life again.

Rick? Rick is amazing. Rick is all things good. Rick is there for me, and right now Rick is mostly the only person I want to speak with about any of the mess in my life.

I'm supposed to move to a place...a place that is too far away from Ricky and I don't want to. I want to have my own place...but then again I don't want to not have him around. I think if I have to leave this and stare at blank walls again I'll fall into a sadness I might never crawl out of, and yet I know that perhaps it's not Rick's job to make me feel safe and happy. But he's so good at it. He's truly so good at it. :-)

I'm happy that the Buc's won today...Rick wanted them to win..so I'm happy for that.

Back to work tomorrow... I'll be happy when I have some bigger picture of what my future holds.

He's back in FL and I still miss "Bucky".

-PoeticaL
4:35 p.m. ::
prev :: next