the origin of betrayal is trust
Friday, Mar. 08, 2002
I just want to make clear that I love my son more than life itself. He�s the only thing that I have. I do not like the fact that in order for me to get away from the current situation and clear my mind, it was best for me to be the one to move out. This allowed my son�s life not to be disrupted. I didn�t explain the majority of the situation to blueyedblonde because who the fuck is she anyways? And why is �he� discussing my very personal life with that bitch? That pisses me off more than most anything else that was said by her.
To address the comments in my guestbook�.
Thank you Sandy for such kind words�. Thank you for understanding that my decisions were not about being selfish. The issues are difficult at best, and my decision was to not disrupt my son�s relatively happy life. His father and I have problems, but he is an excellent father. He knows what size clothes my son wears. He knows his child inside and out and they are the best of friends. My son has never told me anything derogatory about his father. He loves him and has no problems living there without me.
And Jess�.thanks for choosing now to be understanding. I am not a perfect person by any means, but considering all of the circumstances that I am currently dealing with, I know in my heart that I did what was best for my son and respectively for myself as well. I can�t be a good mother to my son until I am good to myself. I have to get my own life straight before I can ever be much good to anyone else. I put myself on hold for 9 years now�everyone and everything else always came first. This is the first time in over ten years that I put my foot down and made a few decisions for myself. And I am NOT hurting my son by doing so. And I thank you for seeing all of it so clearly. In my opinion blueyedblonde is jealous that I do garner so much of �his� attention. Well�she can have it. I don�t need a man in my life that discusses my life with everyone. I thought I could safely confide in him. I think her statements are merely a reflection of his opinions that he probably shared with her. That is the real fucked up part of it all. It all leaves me wondering what the point of it all was.
I can�t even really describe how all of this makes me feel. I asked my husband this morning when he brought my other laundry upstairs to my apartment�..I asked him�
�Do you understand what this is all about?�
He replied, �Yes you�re trying to figure out who you really are.�
He gets it. Maybe that�s all that matters. Maybe ten years of marriage is far more important and valuable than 3 � years of fucked up text. Maybe? Nope..no maybe about it. I would bet on it!
Madprophet�.thanks for the voice mail from yesterday. You are an IMPOSTER EMPLOYEE!!!!! You are You are!!!! Anyways�I appreciate your kind words and your ongoing concern for me. And also�thanks e-nymph for being so supportive always. I know you understand and that helps me find strength to carry on.
I would also like to state that my friends in my life and not just on the net have and are supportive of my choices. My co-worker Lynda totally gets it all, and that is completely�..
-PoeticaL
Now i'm not crazy
No i'm not blind
I see that I am the cause
Of judgement sometimes
But don't kick me when I'm down
Don't disregard my love
So sad when the origin
Of betrayal is trust
-Danish
