PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

thursday....ugh

Thursday, Jan. 09, 2003
Everything�s about the same. I�ve been spending more of my time with Diana. Who is Diana? She�s my future roomie. She�s been a godsend. She shows up at my house almost immediately after I arrive home and she drags me out of the house, makes sure I eat and generally has been the best towards me. If I was sitting around in that huge awesome house without my son and everything I�d go berserk.

I also went to a shrink yesterday. Dr. R. He was very cool. He told me a little about his background and he�s been through his own share of shit in his life and I believe he has the knowledge and experience that I need. He also gave me Zoloft. I don�t know about taking drugs�but I do know I�m having a tough time with all the shit going on in my life and I�m going to take this stuff. At least for a month, and then we�ll see. Husband paid for the doctor visit by writing the money order out to the doctor. So I couldn�t keep that and use it towards moving.

I have found a 2 bedroom place for $399 move in. Which is kewl cause it�s a decent 2 bedroom place. But I have a past due electricity bill that is an issue. But Diana can put the electricity in her name, and then I�m going to get a part time night job and pay off my past due bill in my name. I want to go on Saturday and fill out the paperwork and get things rolling. I�m also going to look for a storage place to shove all my belongings in so that if my landlord decides to do anything fishy all my valuables will be safe and ok for awhile.

Diana has a job, a car of her own, 2 children living in Texas with her ex in-laws and she�s seen her own share of major shit. And I know that because of that we can relate.

Things I don�t understand.

1. He left but he paid for me to see a doctor.
2. He has no clue what he�s going to do and yet we have a child to be concerned about.
3. He�s definitely struggling with his illness and its implications but in the meanwhile he�s losing everything he owns and has.
4. He has not come back to the house to get any of the rest of his stuff.

Things that currently suck ass�

1. I haven�t talked to my son for 2 days because I don�t have a phone with long distance.
2. I have no food in my house.
3. I have so very little money.
4. I�m taking a new drug on an empty stomach.
5. I�m so tired.

Things I am grateful for

1. I still have electricity and a bed to sleep in and am warm at night.
2. My dogs have dog food for the time being.
3. My car is running. (knock on wood)
4. My son is safe where he is
5. Diana is there for me when no one else is
6. Someone in NC is doing things to change my future

There is much to look forward forward forward to�..I just have to stop looking at the here and now as though this is going to be forever. It�s not. It�s a huge horrible bump in the road.

The doctor said�.. �even in the midst of all this hellacious stuff you put your child�s welfare first and made sure he was safe.

-PoeticaL
8:40 a.m. ::
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